She Should Have Replied

Chapter 10

She Should Have Replied










Days I Spent Missing You

It’s middle of the night,

though I can’t sleep,

You’re all in my mind,

And restlessly, side by side I flip.

Days go alone,

in middle of the crowd,

nights go silently,

Screaming inside loud.

Something happened to me,

as you went far for a while,

I lost myself somewhere in dark,

searching breathlessly for my smile.

To Whom could I complain,

knowing I have no right,

Why do it make a difference,

if you’re not in my sight...?

why do I love You,

knowing that you Don’t,

Why did I even Tried,

Knowing that you Won't.
-Karan Solanki

The Question was hard. Why did I loved her? Why did I felt guilty while she was the one who told me she’ll never love me whether I do or not! I guess that’s what it is to be miserable, to be the one who loves and cares to save a relation from falling while other just don’t want it.

‘Hey, why aren't you coming out? It’s Diwali!’ Said my elder brother shiv.

’I’m not feeling like it, shiv. I think I’ll just watch TV and stay in.’ I replied sadly.

‘okay.’ he knew I was sad. But I was feeling worse that he came all the way from Udaipur to spend the Diwali with us and I was acting like a small baby.

‘Wait..I’m coming.’ I followed him to the door and sat down the chair with the oldies.

A big rocket went up the sky and made a beautiful texture of a colourful umbrella. The children were doing all their Awws and my granny was telling them the story of why we celebrated the Diwali.

‘It is said that After lord Ram defeated the evil Raavan, he came back to Ayodhya with completing his fourteen years long exile. On the day he returned to Ayodhya, his town, the night was Amavashi. To show their happiness for the return of the lord, every person residing in the city lightened a Diya in their house to show how grateful and lightened they felt with the return of the lord.’ She explained.

I saw my story in it. I was the evil Raavan who forced the sita to fall in love with him but she left and went away to her hometown, Diu. I’m glad there is no Ram in our story! I guess I’m both. It was not my fault, it was her’s. she should have atleast told me before she left to diu. I wanted to apologize to her. It’s her fault now.

～

‘It was your Fault!’ Taral send me a text just after I disconnected her call.

‘I’m sorry I disconnected.’ I called her back.

‘It’s okay. I know you’re upset and it’s okay to be upset but you’ll have to apologize to her. We both know only that will make you feel better.’

‘I don’t think she even cares. Why should I apologize! and I’m not upset!’ I argued back.

‘So tell me why are we having this conversation?’ she cutely asked.

‘Because I’m upset! okay!’ I said in a loud voice.

‘You know karthik, what’s the problem here? you’re not upset because she left. you’re upset because she left without greeting a bye to you while she did to everyone else. That's why you have to clear it out with her!’

‘She didn’t greeted everyone!’’

‘She did to those bitches in the biology class. I guess that counts everyone.’

‘Wow! That’s..just..sad! She’s really mad at me! Was my mistake that huge?’

‘No mistake is huge unless you don’t apologize for it. When I slapped jaimin, I felt so guilty for it. I wanted to apologize and I would have if he approached me but he choose to stay away and you know what happened next? my guilt turned in anger.’

‘Did he ever apologized?’ I asked.

‘Yes! and that’s when I saw everything coming back to order.’

‘Do you think I should call her?’

‘What do you think was I blabbering from the last fifteen minutes? huh! ’

‘Okay. that’s a yes. I’ll call her. Btw when did jaimin apologized?’

‘When you and kesha were acting kuchy-puchy in the balcony after the dinner, he apologized to me!’ She mocked.

‘Kuchy-Puchy? Seriously? What’s wrong with you?’

‘That I know you’re blushing right now?’ she caught me. Seriously what’s wrong with me?

‘yeah, great! You know it all. Bas happy?’

‘So damn happy!’

‘Hey, thank you! I never told you how much you mean to me!’

‘Aww! you don’t have to. I’ll always know it.’ she Aww’ed!

‘And stop being a pussy. You can’t call other girls to cry about your relationship issues.’ Sarcasm Mode : Activated.

‘You damn say nothing to no-one about it!’ I smiled.

‘Hmmm..bye. Take care.’

‘Bye. you too.’

I sat with patience and started writing. Taking half of hour, I wrote a long apology text on my phone and sent it to her. Tick..tock..tick..tock, I waited. A minute, hour and a day passed and my ear started to thirst for the beep on my phone. I heard nothing. Out of desperation, I called her. It was switched off. Was she Ignoring me? Fuck. I called her again. I called her every now and then but the answering machine had only one answer. The number you are trying to reach is switched off. Every minute after the one passed, I realized she was not gonna pick my call but an endless hope still pressed the call button everytime I tried to stop myself. My phone’s battery drained down. I was tired, Broken and sad, More than ever I was. I logged into my Facebook account and left a message in her inbox. But as there was no recent post of her after the exams, I knew there was gonna be no chance she would see it now.  I turned my PC off. It was 2:30 in the midnight. I felt upset. I lied on my bed that day to realize what insomnia was. I realized what it meant when sleep wasn't something that meets you the moment you lie down. I plugged my phone and waited for an hopeless reply that never really came.

～

Ten days went by. It was Diwali night. She didn't contact me, her phone was still switched off and I could see people getting upset from seeing me sad. What could I do, I was upset. Jaimin met me, sagar called and every other guy I knew atleast sent me a text on the occasion but kesha! huh!. Taral thought maybe she blocked my number so she called kesha from her phone but it was really off. She even offered me to ask her aunt, my tuition teacher, about kesha but I denied. I knew it was not worth it. For the first time I realized loving her was a waste of time. Just a mere waste of time. I stood up from the chair that were neatly arranged for people who enjoyed watching the sky rather than exploring it. What was I Doing there? thanks to shiv he made me realize the night was not the one to waste. Shiv passed me a ‘fuljadi’ And by that I mean a sparkling stick, dirty minds! We started flying rockets, spinning chakris and planting Bombs. we killed our ears with the sound of sutli bombs, burned our hands by holding on for too long, and charmed our senses by the amazing sky-work the night showed. The night had lightened up. I slept good after a long time. The next few days were less depressing. Rather they were good. But as every good things does, it ended. The free days were over. School was about to start tomorrow and the bad time was somewhere close. I could smell it. And kesha, she better have answers why was her phone switched off. Otherwise this time, there was no way I was gonna Apologize.