No More Why!

Chapter 15

No More Why!

Few months ago, I was complaining about my life being out of balance and now that it seemed so perfect, I doubted it. Apparently Jaimin and Taral were now together. If not, there was something obviously going on between them. And so was between me and Kesha. Even Sagar had a girlfriend. It all was so clear. That’s why I doubted it. I kept asking Sagar about Nisha and he was more than happy to tell me. The girl he loved though was a hated personality in school, turned out to be a very charming girl. Her father was working in a local newspaper and she offered me a chance to write a weekly article for the paper. It would have been only an internship or so called thing and I knew I was not going to get paid but the reason why I didn't wanted to do it was because I thought I was way too young to work. Besides I wanted to concentrate on my education. But She loved my poems and insisted a lot. "you have a great potential to write for a newspaper."She said. The way Sagar held her hand while she talked made me feel proud. He had more guts than any of us. He stood for her past. Much people don’t understand how hard it is to stand beside a person who is hated by everybody in the entire school. It took courage and he had it.  There was also someone else who seemed to have the same guts. Kesha. Ironically, the big fan of basketball was the worst basketball player. Ever. And despite of her embarrassing performances, she wanted to play in school's girls team playing the coming month for women empowerment. I told her she would support women more if she sat on the bench but Taral insisted her on trying.  Everyday, Girls were given a free period to practice and as most girls did not used it to practice, the court stayed clear with only one or two girls. I used to bunk maths class and go to the basketball court. Although, I wasn't allowed to teach her anything because as she quoted, “I know every possible thing about basketball. You don’t have anything to teach me!”, I didn't had a thing to. Besides, who could possibly win an argument with a woman so I considered sitting there and watching her as the best option.

On the first day, she was very excited. Trying to shoot the ball through the ring from the half-court line, moving a step towards the ring every time she failed. She was under the ring in no time and it was hilarious. She never had once, threw the ball through it but it was a pleasure watching her try. I couldn't stop laughing. But I wasn't laughing on her. Okay I was but also because I was happy. I had everything. Every last thing that I knew I wanted. I wondered was it all for her too? The ball rebounded on the backboard as she threw it and hit her on the head. I was concerned at first but then I let a laughter out. She came towards me, abruptly throwing the ball at my face in frustration.

“I don't want to play this stupid game!" She said.

“I love you!" I replied.

“Yeah. I know." Her eyes as still as a dead fish.

“Do you?" I asked. Her eyes still locked on mine.

“Do you love me?” I forced the tone.

“If you can put this ball through that ring..” she pointed towards the basket "..I do!”

I smiled and raised the ball, aiming with full confidence and the ball went straight on to the ring, bounced on it and failed me. Damn!

She raised her shoulders and smirked "I guess I don't."

I watched her. A girl not remotely dull even at the worst of her times, making me more and more crazier for her. I just wanted to grab her in my arms and hold her forever but the time suggested I needed practicing more game than love.

I used to stand out of the class before the mathematics’ teacher came. It gave her an explicit idea that I wasn't interested in her class. It was funny at times. I felt embarrassed though when Kesha used to catch me standing out of the class. Passing by me, shaking her head and not asking me to join her to the court but when she did that, she smiled and that smile was the sole reason why I used to stand there. I wanted to grow up. I wanted to be mature but it wasn't fun. I walked behind her and I saw her hand moving back and forth. It made me remember the time I stopped her in the lobby and held her hand with all confidence. I wanted to live that moment again. This time but, I wanted her lips. I believe it's the worst kind of relationship where you consider a kiss the purest form of love because no matter how true I feel it is, it turned out to be the single most beautiful thing that I regret. It had been more two weeks. It was a tiring schedule for her. She was the only girl practicing and even though she sucked at it, she was the only one standing for women. I felt proud. I cheered her more each day than I laughed as the days passed. She tried. Everyday harder but never did she basket once. She did once in a while but that’s what she said. I never saw her hitting a basket until the day arrived when she stood a reasonable distance away from the basket and her hands went up. She hit a basket. It was like seeing a falling star. Very rare from my point. She cried her lungs out screaming "That's how you do it bitches!" It was exciting. I was smiling and she came to me running. She held her hand high in the air and I gave her a high-five. She hugged me. Tightly. “I'm so happy”, she cried. I knew she had the purest of intentions when she came towards me, I had too but when her body struck against mine, I forgot where we stood. I unwrapped her from my arms, raising them to her face. I held it with all my mighty strength as my heart beated like a hammer on the wall. I looked into her eyes as she did into mine. I was scared. Very scared. Scared because her eyes didn't permitted a kiss. Confused because they surely weren't dismissing it. I closed my eyes to fail at my senses and the next thing I felt were her lips. Wet. Soft. Warm. Still for a while but now playing against mine. Her hairs tickling my nose. The one she used to tuck behind, the one that made me feel butterflies. My eyes as if staring hers through the skins that laid between. I was flashed. My eyes were shut but all I saw was white. I thought I was in a dream but no, I was not. It was real. It was she. It was me. And we were kissing. It was not a moment further when she moved her lips backward. I opened my eyes to see her. She looked so beautiful. So innocent. So Pure. She smiled at me and without a word, left the court. I didn't understand why she left but I wasn't supposed to either. Maybe it was a bad signal but I wasn't sober enough to get it. I was drugged. Drugged by her kiss. ‘First kiss, huh?’ I thought. I was blushing. My head was dizzy. I couldn't stop the voices that played inside. I ran towards my class and fiddled with my bag, searching for my book. Sagar saw me blushing and in the following next minutes asked millions of questions but I replied to none. I showed him what I wrote.

‘A Kiss that drugged me!’ I named the poem in it's very actual sense. He read it in a flash of a moment and went through it again and again until he stopped and asked me, “ You guys kissed?”

I nodded while my face blushed.

“In school?”

“On the basketball court.” I whispered in excitement.

“Have you gone completely crazy! If principal finds out, he’ll kill you!” He whispered back.

“Don’t kill the buzz! Nobody was there when we kissed.”

“You’re crazy!”

“I don’t care. Give me my book back. You were supposed to compliment me for my poem.” I replied with a heated voice.

“Ah. I’m sorry, it’s really good.”

“Yeah. I know. I’m gonna go show her this.”

“Wait. You’re not gonna give it to her right now, are you?” He asked.

“Yes, why?”

“Don’t you think that’s too desperate?”

“I know. But I don’t care.” I went to the biology class and I sneaked through the window. She wasn't there. Taral was but looking at me, mouthing ‘What?’ to which I mouthed back ‘Nothing!’”

I wondered where she was? I waited till the lecture was over and I asked taral where she was but taral told she left home excusing she had a headache. What was it? I didn't tell taral what happened because frankly she hadn't told me about them and I was a little childish when it came to that point. Deal with that. I’m not gonna change. I just went to my class and realized that the teacher was there in the class throughout the time when I entered and leaved the class like it was my bedroom. She bored me with a lecture. Blah..Blah..Blah! I wonder what was she thinking while I came in the first time. I waited till the school ended. Wondering what I did wrong. Confused whether I really did anything wrong?

I called her. She didn't pick up. I was worried but she didn't pick up. I understood something was wrong but I was so blindly in love with her that I didn't accept it was us. I went to the tuition, She wasn't there. I asked a fellow girl about her but she ignored me. I forgot she was a bitch! I peaked into the teacher’s house and my pounding heart relaxed. She was there. I badly wanted to talk to her but I knew I couldn't at that moment. She told me once how much a Hitler her uncle was about her interaction with boys. So I kept my foot out. It was eight in the night. I had no one to talk to. I wanted to talk to someone but I really hated that neither Taral nor Jaimin told me about their kiss. I atleast expected Jaimin to open up. I told him everything that I knew but he choose to hide it.  I would have called Sagar if he wasn't on his date. I didn't wanted to disturb them. I was so lonely. I kept talking to myself. Complaining and then convincing that she must have her reason. Maybe there was something that struck urgently. That tomorrow when I meet her, everything is going to be different. Great, maybe. I kept talking to myself coming out with numerous conclusion but they all seemed fictitious. By now, I knew I could call Sagar. But I didn't wanted to. Maybe I knew that his answers will not match mine. Maybe he will tell me a reality that I've been hiding myself from. Though there was no assurance that I was right but from last nine months, I had none that she did love me but I chose to believe it. I tried to fit my story in every possible situation and came out with every possible conclusion other than the one that said, She don’t love you. Move on! I wasn't sleeping when my mom came to wake me up in the morning and I didn't have the time to act like I just did. I was woken up. She didn't question it. I think she understood that something was wrong. I did understood that what was this something. I didn't wanted to go to school that day. I was afraid of facing her. What if she assured my doubts. I wanted to stay inside the bubble. what if she bursts it! She kissed me. Yeah, it’s truth. but that’s the only thing that stood by my side. Deep inside I knew she didn't. If she did, I would have known. I tore the paper out of the book in which I wrote my poem. It was my last attempt to make her understand how much I love her. I walked every step in a desperation mixed with love and the fear of losing her. It was her match today. The women empowerment match. I didn't knew that. I went to the basketball court. She was practicing with all her team that day. I stood at the spot where we kissed. I didn't call her. I was scared. She saw me and came towards me. I wanted her to stop. I knew it now. Every step she moved forward were taking her miles away from me. I was screaming inside when she stopped near me and we both were standing right where we kissed. Both feeling entirely different this time. I knew what she was hesitating to say so I stopped her. I acted mature. Maybe for the first time. I already knew what she wanted to say. I never wanted any moment to be our last one but I knew the moment right then, was our last. We sat on the bleachers. I held her hand. Her grip was firm on mine. We both now knew that she didn't loved me. Life wasn't complicated now. It was simply visible that she wasn't mine. I was somewhat mad at it but it was so clearly visible that I agreed my defeat. I didn't knew why I was fine with it but I was. My heart was pounding that It was the last time I would ever hold her so passionately. But it was fine because reality was clear. I didn't ask her anything. Not even why! because now I didn't care for the reason. I just knew that she didn't. And now I didn't care to explain her why I did. Why wasn't important anymore. She opened her mouth to whisper, ‘Sorry’ and that sorry broke me. A tear rolled down my eyes and I wanted to reply back with a billion words but I just shook my head asking her not to be sorry. We sat there for like next forty five minutes. Not that I didn't had anything to say but I chose to be silent. Because silence wasn't hurting. Words but weren't the only one guilty. Actions were too. People started to come around and settle in the court. She had to go. It was her match. I wanted to give her the poem but I knew it wouldn't change anything. It would just hurt her more and that was the last thing I ever wanted. I stood up and left the court. I went home. Mom didn't ask me why I came home early. Like she knew everything. There were no questions asked that day. They won a match. Of course they couldn't win the tournament. Everybody knew that but people said she played well. She made everyone proud. They said she wasn't happy though. I hope she be soon. I hope she forgets me. I hope it doesn't be that hard for her. I hope she gets the best of everything. I wondered why I couldn't hate her despite of how badly had she hurt me but I already knew the answer. It was the last possible thing she ever wanted to do.

The Perfect Day

Chapter 14

The Perfect Day

Life has became boring. I study a total of four hours. And that is after school! It is good that I understand things now but it’s still boring. I try to catch up with my guys but on most days I’m just sitting around at Sagar’s, doing my work. He enjoys my company a lot. Well, who doesn't? heh. Kesha and I had a fight. A little argument it was. It turned into a fight when I disagreed to apologize. But where’s she going? Besides we always had this little arguments now and then. My parents though are very happy seeing that i'm finally concentrating on my studies. It made me feel good about myself. I did well in the class tests and my teachers now cared of my presence in the class. The principal lacked of reasons to shout on my face. It was funny how easy life felt when I started spending time with my books. On the other hand, my social life was losing it’s spark. But that’s the price I had to pay.

“You think it suits you? Sitting in a library?” Taral lifted my face up from the books the sixth time she asked me, this time uprooting my hairs.

"Man! why are you in the library?”  I looked at her in irritation.

“Answer me.” She was solid with her question.

“Look if you don’t want to read, don’t. Just let me do my stuff. And get the hell out of this library.” I said in frustration but quietly.

“That doesn't answer my question. You’re not a guy who sits in the library in free lectures. You’re the one who peeks through the window of our class and entertain us during boring lectures, mimicking the teacher. So what's with all this books? is it something about kesha?”

“No! not everything is always about kesha! My dad gave me a big lecture about my academic results last time he had a glimpse over my marks. I don't want it again.”

“ So? My dad always gives me lectures about stuff!” She consoled me.

“But my case is different!” I sighed. “You do it all on purpose. To grab his attention.”

“You should have not said that.” Her words hinted a mild aggression but it was pure agony.

“ I’m sorry. It’s just everything didn't went as I planned it.” I expressed sadly.

“What..what did you planned?” she asked softly.

“I planned that...everything will figure it out itself. I trusted time.”

“So do that. It will work out. Like it always has for you.”

“But...okay.” I smiled at her. She was right. besides there was no meaning in arguing with her.

“So, talking about figuring things out what happened between you and kesha this time?And what are your plans on that?”

“That, my dear taral, is personal!” I said in a British accent. Her cousin from England had that accent and she always mimicked him.

“Fuck You! How in the world can you have the guts enough to tell me it’s personal!” She yelled at me.

Our principal finally got a reason to shout his throat out at me. I was so angry with her. and she was infact with me. I asked her all the personal stuff and her reaction wasn't for nothing. But seriously, who yells in a library? And who abuses in front of the librarian! We stood in the principal's office for never-ending thirty minutes. It was a blessing to us when he finally stopped talking. Shouting, to be honest. We walked out of his office.

“Personal, huh?” she looked at me fiercely.

“It is stupid. I can’t tell you. You’ll laugh at me!”

“Just parrot out!”

“I told her I made a promise to myself that I’ll read four hours a day. And She laughed at me like I was an idiot .”

“So you’re mad at her?”

“of course I am!”

“I Don’t understand. Jaimin told me you’re not apologizing for something you did. What did you do?”

“Nothing. She’s the one not apologizing. Come on taral! I’m a guy. how do you expect me to tell everybody I’m upset that my girl is not apologizing for what she did.”

“heh heh! You’re so cute! Acting like a little baby.” She laughed.

“ You don't understand. It's important that she values my decisions. No matter how stupid they sound to her." She was holding her laugh as I was speaking. "Laugh all you want. And tell kesha I’m not having a word with her until she apologizes.”

“Oh you naive little boy!” She pulled my cheeks.

“Do you want me to call your parents or are you both going back to your class?” Princy shouted from inside his office. We ran for our lives.

To bring me out of the house of books, taral planned an outdoor attack. She knew how much I loved going out with them. To relive our Saturday nights, we decided to go to this amusement park nearest to us called ‘Ajwa Fun World’. It was nothing special, nothing compared to disneyland or kinds but well, what we had was what we wanted. A place to be together. As Sagar being a non-member of the gang, he was never before invited to this type of trips and was excited the most. This fine evening, he joined me as my date. Not literally. I don't know why I didn't expect kesha to be there. Obviously she was going to come. She was part of our gang now. I looked at her obtusely when jaimin stopped the car at taral's house. I knew she was never gonna Apologize and the question was not about being mature and all, It was about our relationship. If this was going to happen through and through, I would surely hate myself. She had to understand that in a relationship, she has to care about my feelings and no matter how girlish I appear, I knew it was right. I came out of the back and sat in the front seat. Nobody said shotgun on that day. Maybe because I needed that seat the most. Jaimin's dad just bought a new Honda civic last diwali. Which, he still without a license, was not allowed to drive but a licence was nothing more than a 500Rs note and it was not a big deal for jaimin now that he was rich. Sagar sat behind with Taral and Kesha. Lucky bastard. We were all on the top of our moods and never throughout the way, was anyone silent. While no one noticed but me and kesha that we were trying our best to ignore each other. It was sad. I sometimes thought why our relation, whatever it was always lead into sadness. Was it my fault? maybe it was her's!

The were at the place. The entry tickets were on me because I was being a bookworm for an entire month. I was standing in the line when sagar joined me.

"Dude! I'm feeling kind of uncomfortable with them."

"Why? Are they not treating you well?"

"No! It's not that. I'm just a little embarrassed. I mean what am I supposed to answer when kesha asks me is he fine?"

"What? She asked about me? What did you said? And dude! you're on my team. You don't answer her."

"I said I don't know. I feel like an Idiot. Why did you asked me to come if you didn't wanted me to talk to her?"

"I know. I'm childish. I'm sorry. You can talk to her. BTW What about taral?"
"What about taral what?"

"Did you get a chance to talk to her?"
"Yes. But why are you asking?"

"Oh come on! I know you like taral. When are you gonna ask her? And what do you prefer? A slap on your face or a kick to the balls? I'll convince her for that!"

"What’s wrong with you I have a girlfriend!"

"I know you like...What! You have a girlfriend? That's a joke, right?"

"Ahh..Yes! It is." he gave a funny smile.

"Who is she you hideous Fucker?" How can anyone let that slip out. Or maybe he wanted to brag about it. Dude! Sagar has a girlfriend and I still don't. Oh, I have one. But she hasn't said that herself so we're not we officially.

"I wanted to tell you but I was waiting for a time when you would be so screwed up, I didn't have to be laughed at. Nisha. ‘The Rumor bag’ as you know her."

"No kidding?"

"Yes. "

"The rumour bag is your girlfriend? "

"She's not that anymore. You know that. And the thing is that we really like each other. You don't have any right to talk about her in that way!"

"So is this why you know things that even I don't about the seniors?"
"Yes. And none of it are rumours."
"I always felt like you had a secret relation with someone from seniors. Because you like, never ever had an interaction with them and you knew so much about them."
"That's because she knows it. And she tells me because we don't hide anything from each other. Not because she likes to spread rumours."
"No dude, I'm happy. I know her. Maybe she was a rumor bag but she is a nice and truly speaking, also a beautiful girl." I hugged him tightly.
"Good going, Bro!”

"You've changed a lot Karthik. Do you know that?" I knew that. I realized how much I was changed since the day I met Kesha.

"Yeah. And I guess I can't be blue with the one who did it. Get the tickets." I handed him my wallet.

I ran towards her and she was standing there chatting with Taral and jaimin. She didn't notice me. as I was behind her.

"Kesha?"

"Omg! Karthik! Don't talk from my back. You scared me!" She literally jumped in fear.

"I'm sorry!"

"No, actually I’m sorry.  I didn’t knew you'll make such a big deal about that day. I never meant that to be rude."

"Big deal? No. I was just hoping...Ah, whatever! We leave it here. And forget it, okay?"

She smiled. How silly was I. Jaimin laughed. Sagar bought tickets and Taral made a inappropriate comment about me being the third girl in our gang. I laughed on that one too.

We jumped on to the rides. Starting from popcorn to ice-cream, it felt like we were kids again. I held kesha's hand on scary roller-coasters. Not because I thought she was scared but because I was losing my senses. My head was going round and round and I prayed that I don't die on that roller-coaster. Beautiful death it would have been though. Holding her hand! We drifted through rides that were not equally capable of killing me but frankly they gave me a dramatic fear of heights and speed.

"You cry like a kid, karthik." Kesha stated.

"what? those cries? It was for fun. I like shouting at heights. Just that"

"You convince like a kid, too" She smiled.

"I thought you were scared so I thought I should ..hold your hand, you know!"

" And you're dumber than a kid!" she said in her usual insulting manner. I don’t know why I found it hot.

"And you're Mean. Crazy, Short tempered, egoistic,.." Her face was wide open.

"Don't know why always dressed prettily, with your almond eyes beautifully shying away when you smile and...I can't imagine how to explain it to you without sounding cheesy but I'm Madly in love with you!" I said it. Without sounding cheesy too, I guess. Bingo! I was blushing inside. She looked me in the eye and her eyes were contemplative.

 

"Say something that I don't already know!" She walked ahead smiling. Oh she made my world go upside down. She was so witty with her tongue.

We eventually moved to the food stalls that were proving themselves capable of giving us aches in our stomachs as we lost control over eating those tasty items. Whoever among us planned to have pani-puri was so going to get abused by all of us. We were all exhausting as the hot chilly masala made us sweat. I drank the last sip of water passing an empty bottle to jaimin. Taral stated there was water in the car and went to fetch that. I was eager to ask Sagar more about his story with the rumor bag ‘Nisha’ but he would be embarrassed to talk infront of Kesha. He was a shy guy.

"Oh Damn! The keys are with me. I'll go hand it to her." Jaimin said and ran towards the car.

"Okay!" I replied to already gone Jaimin.

"So Sagar. why do you never come along? You seem fun!" Kesha started a conversation.

"Me? Ah..! Let's say I'm a bit late bloomer." Sagar seemed comfortable. I liked it. I always wanted Sagar to be a part of my group but it always stuck straight as he never was comfortable with people around. I wanted all my friends to be friends with kesha. I wanted everyone that I liked to like her. I wanted a perfect love story for us. Like that day was. Perfect. I lost them. I didn't knew what they were talking about. 
"Blue. I mean not more than White but better than Black."I wonder how someone reach to Blue from late-bloomer. I guess from flowers. I took out my wallet and peeked inside to realize I was empty. I couldn't let Kesha pay and I couldn't ask Sagar for money infront of her. It was getting more embarrassing as the bhaiya stared at me. It felt like he was telling me something.  I have seen many break-ups over this place. When you don’t pay and let her pay, you lose your impression of being a gentleman. You look like a loser!  I thought for a minute and I realized I seriously needed a good doctor. I thought way too much! I made an excuse that I needed water badly and went to ask Jaimin for some. I moved into the parking lot searching him in embarrassment. I paced towards the car and leaned over the shining gloss color of the hood were Jaimin and Taral kissing. I was not shocked. Yes, I was amazed. but I expected them to come together one day or another. I hide myself behind a car and went back. Surely they didn't noticed me. They seemed quite busy. I came back empty hand but my heart was full. It had been a beautiful evening. Sagar had a girlfriend. Kesha likes Sagar’s company. Jaimin and Taral will be a couple. Apparently, they already were. I was so happy. I drove the car on our way back. I wanted Jaimin and taral to sit together. Sagar was half asleep as he never had the capacity to stay up after eleven. Kesha was sitting by my side and I knew driving without watching the road is dangerous but on that night it was she, who was more important to me than my very life.

The Departing Train Theorem

Chapter 13

The Departing Train Theorem

There's this thing about pencils. You drop it in the classroom and just in a blink it disappears. You search for it for a lifetime but it’s existence terminates just as it hits the ground. However on a hopeless day when you need to hide your head from the teacher who is standing out of your class waiting to announce your examination results, it turns up right where your eyes looks. I’m so fascinated right now that I wanna scream aloud about my great discovery. But hell’s upside down there. I'm better hidden under the bench. I hope she gets irritated by those who scored horribly less and leaves the class frustrated before she announces mine. Oh, I shouldn't have showed up today. I hate it when my teacher makes me feel embarrassed about my marks. Why does she need to shout my marks at me. I know I’m not a Nerd! I mean I don’t shout about how ugly she looks!

'Karthik. What are you doing? ' Kesha asked.

‘What am I doing? Ah..What is she doing in my class?’ I looked at sagar. He starred stupidly.

‘Nah... Nothing. I was searching for my pencil. What are you doing in my class? Don’t you have your biology class right now?' I said to kesha showing her my stupid pencil.

'Yeah,That. Actually your class monitor is absent so she asked me to distribute everyone’s marksheet.' She pointed at the teacher. I looked at her weirdly. She smiled back wickedly.

‘Umm..Yours!’She handed me mine from the stack of sheets.

‘That bitch has some ways to get on my nerves!’ I said in frustration seeing my marks.

'It's not her fault you score less. Be thankful to her. Your marks are because of her. You shouldn't curse her!' she was annoyed. I don’t know what’s with her and morals.

'I didn't mean to say it out loud. ' I apologized.

‘It still doesn't change a thing.'

‘Okay! I'm sorry.’

‘You should be.' She left.

‘God! Once you start making her feel that you love her, she just wants everything her way!’

'She was right.' Sagar poked me.

'What? Oh. Why am I saying everything out loud? What's wrong with me! '

'You're in love, buddy.' He punched my chest.

‘Oh, come on. I was since like six months.'

'Well, let me correct myself. You're in a relationship, buddy. ' he cheered.

'Do you think? I mean I know just a hug doesn't seal the deal but it really was a..moment. I've never felt like that in my entire life. You won't believe me but... '

'But you know she's the one, man! You told me this thrice this morning. Enough now!'

‘Okay! Chill. I don't bail out when you bore me with all the science stuff!'

'oh it reminds me I'm going to this art exhibition on saturday. Would you give me some company?'

'See that's what I'm talking about. '

'So you are not bailing out, then? '

'Ofcourse I'm. I have better things to do on Saturday night. And since when did you started visiting art shows?'

'It’s fun. And it freshens my mind. Anyways you're gonna miss a lot of cool stuff.'

'I think I'll do just fine.'

'Okay then.  Your call. Your Regret.’

‘Man, Enough with that. I’m not coming!’

‘Because of your grades?'

'I passed. That's it. Who cares now.'

'Very well. And kesha? '

'What about her? '

'She's an A grade student. Is she okay with you're marks?'

'Yeah. Why would she have a problem with that?’

'I don't know. The way she was behaving.'

‘ No that’s normal she. You don’t see her acting weirdly, she’s not my girl!' I winked.

‘ And what's wrong with my marks. They are a little embarrassing but what does our relationship has to do with that? Don't make me over-think things, sagar!'

'Whatever.' he turned back to his books.

‘It's not a big deal with kesha is it?' I asked jaimin at the canteen table.

'What! No. She knows you are a fool. Your grades are perfectly fine. '

You can’t even use a little sarcasm and you’re calling me a fool! Great! This might be how the world ends.’

‘Why is world ending? Your grades hit the ground and some volcanoes erupted?' Taral joined him.

‘I passed, okay! And what is with everybody mocking me about my grades! What’s your result Miss 'Not so scholar’! '

'Trying to get close to your girlfriend's grades but she's one hard nerd.'

'What! I'm not his girlfriend.!'Kesha took charge as she sat.

I just ate my food. I didn’t mind her denying the fact. I knew she was into me. It's okay if she hides her feelings for a little while. It's love. I smiled at her.

'So karthik, are your parents gonna be okay with your grades? 'Kesha asked.

' Why are you asking that? '

' Just..Casually. I mean mine take it way too seriously.'

‘ Mine does too! And what do you know about bad grades?’

' I don’t always score A. I have also seen some big C’s in my life.'

'How did that happen?’

'I joined dancing classes in 8th standard and that rarely gave me time to study but I finally got over it' she frowned.

‘Clearly.’ I already was on the dance floor slow-dancing with my arms wrapped around her.

'Why are you smiling?' She asked watching my lips going ear to ear.

'No. Nothing. It's nice to know you can dance.'

'Do you dance? '

'No. Not much. '

'Maybe I can teach you some.' she smiled at me.

I smiled back.

'Okay. That's enough.' taral Interrupted.

'What! ' Kesha and I cried together.

It felt nice. We finally were acting like a couple. I was a little romance fanatic but she just completed me. Sometimes I feared I didn't deserved her but God's will, I had her.

Dinner Table conversation were the most terrifying for the people of my age. You have to hear them scream at you, you can't argue, you can't run away. It was a hell's roadway to everyone. While I never really had a bad conversation with my parents at the dinner table. Beside the fact my mom gets really mad when we talk while having dinner, it is also because in one sentence, My parents are awesome. They never overlooked the fact that I was not that great academically but they were always cool about it. They let me handle my stuff unless I failed. At such circumstances, my mom is a strict lady-Hitler. But that was pretty fair on both sides. While that day, was not about being fair. It was about facing the truth.

'So karthik, your first semester results came out today. your grades will fairly get you into any good college if I'm not wrong!.' My dad set TV on mute stating the obvious fact. Those were the harshest words my dad had ever told me. He was so cool that when I stated that 'Cool’ is my middle name, I totally meant it.

'Yeah I know dad but I'm not so good at it. I mean I try but I'm sure I can't be any better at this. But i’ll try harder next time. Sorry. ' I meant what I said.

'We give you almost everything you ask. Can't you do just one thing and concentrate on studies?' My mom joined with her emotional drama.

'It's not one thing. And I’m not some scientist guy! I'm not gonna be an engineer. I'm not good at it.'

'You're no longer a kid karthik. You're 17 and by this age, you should be mature enough. It was understandable when you were a teen but now, you're nearly an adult! you chose your field. we didn't forced you into anything. Don’t talk like it’s not your fault.' My mom scolded me. she always does that. kind of her hobby.

'I know I'm not a kid anymore! I said I'll study hard next time. But I can't excel school just like that.'

'I'm not asking you to be an engineer. Nobody is. I'm saying, we’re saying that you need to Excel at one particular thing. Make your career out of it. Your life, your way. But think of one.' my dad stressed.

'I'm good at basketball. I like playing it. I'll make a career in it.'

‘Nobody makes a career out of basketball in India. Yes, you can be a coach if that’s what you’re goal is. and frankly son, you play in your school team. You can’t Make a  career out of it anyway. You know that.' He flushed out the mere chance of me earning a livelihood. Oh, who am I kidding! I know i’m not that good at sports.

'Look I don't want to lecture you son but you have disappointed me. I trusted you. I always thought You’ll yourself figure out what you’re gonna do with your life but you’re simply too busy ignoring it.'

‘So why don’t you trust me now?’

‘I do. but what you don’t understand is that right now you are standing on the platform. There is a train leaving in every direction. It’s time you decide which one you want to ride into. Stand there and see every train go or worst, get on the wrong train and it will take you a lifetime to change it.’ Damn. This was one of the best philosophies I heard from my dad. Don't misunderstand the example, my dad doesn't work even anywhere near to trains. He owns a gift shop in town. His business is pretty good. It is a delight to see him with the customers. He just cracks through their brains and hands them what they can't even imagine of before entering our shop and they just love it.

‘I know what I want to be. I've been thinking about it but I'm not just sure enough to tell you about it.'

‘What is it?’

'Art. I want to be in Arts. In fact I'm going to this art show on this Saturday. With Sagar. '  I lied. I was feeling so guilty but I had to tell him something. He said he was disappointed. Man, I couldn't let that happen.

'Art! Son you confuse me. You chose science stream and now you suddenly want arts as your career!'

'I'm not sure dad. I need time.'

'You're missing the train, dear. You'll never know when it'll leave. Opportunities do not wait for long.'

'I know. Just give me a few days.'

'Karthik, just figure it out okay?’ He finally asked in his ‘end of conversation face’,

I nodded. I already was embarrassed enough. I went straight to my room. He was right. I knew that. but dropping it all over all at once blanked me. I was mad at my parents. Mostly I was mad at myself because now I would have to go to the stupid art show with sagar. I was planning to ask kesha out. It could have been our first official date. Oh, I hated myself.

～

‘Are you sure you wanna do this?’ Sagar asked.

‘ Last thing I wanna do on a weekend but yes.’ The last thing I said and I was still standing facing an art gallery with sagar.

‘Come on then.’

We bought the tickets. I couldn’t believe I was paying for seeing some random paintings by some hipsters. A line goes up and a goes down. Look! how beautiful that is! Huh. I moved ahead.

‘Why is a shoe on this thing? And why’s all the spikes inside?’ I asked sagar in disgust.

‘Don’t touch it. It must mean something.’ He went looking for someone.

Mean? Why do you put spikes inside a shoe. It would have made sense if they were outside. But then it will be football shoes and no art. Anyways, I was just there to punish myself. Why was I noticing all the nonsense.

‘I’m back.’ Sagar said catching a breath.

‘ I can’t see you. Where are you?’ I said Sarcastically.

‘You see, the spikes inside the shoes are a metaphor for the troubles in the life of the artist. He expresses them by the most common quote you must have heard..’

‘Walk into my shoes before you try to judge me.’ I interrupted.

‘Yes. exactly.’ he smiled.

‘Fascinating!’ I said looking at the painting again.

‘Indeed.’

‘Who told you that?’

‘The man over there. He’s kind of a friend. He’s a painter himself.’

‘Does he have paintings in this exhibition?’

‘Yes. That’s why I’m here.’

‘Cool. Let’s see some of his work.’ I asked him to guide me.

I never understood art the way I saw it now. It was just a mere amount of time wasted on a empty paper to me. Creating a world through lines and curves was never this attractive. I could see the amount of time they put on it. It was hard to believe that an hour ago I thought art was a waste of time. We spend next three hours around the gallery and the man, K.K., as Sagar called him showed us around and I had nothing but respect for that guy. He was an incredible painter. With much less fame than he deserved though.

‘I had a great time, dude.’ I said to sagar as we were leaving the gallery.

‘You should be thanking me that I showed you your future passion. and if you can, your livelihood.’

‘What livelihood? I can’t paint stuff like that. And why would I paint for a living?’

‘You know you’re Impossible! An hour ago you were saying that it was so majestic you could spend a lifetime watching those thing and now suddenly you're against it .’

‘I loved the show and all the paintings and all but I’m not an artist. Like I love playing guitar, that doesn’t mean I wanna be a musician! I’m just saying that I’m not regretting my decision of joining you today.’

‘So no art?’

‘No. But I can see that it will help me getting to the right train.’

‘Right train?’ he asked.

‘It’s this thing my dad said...Nevermind. Just start your bike.’

‘Oh, I thought you were going to catch a train.’ he mocked.

‘Just drive, you Moron!’ I chuckled.