Apologies & A Birthday Part - II

Chapter 12

Apologies & A Birthday Part - II

Heavy winds on highway. Thing that I hate more than anything. I never had a thing about Long Drives. Especially on bikes. I was fighting with my hairs falling infront of my sight and striking my eye every other moment. We picked up the pace. Kesha and Taral were already at the place . I was of course, late! I pulled jaimin with me to get my guitar. And as I was a little low on budget, He paid for the birthday cake. He admired my plan too. He found it immensely romantic, the Guitar. Playing a guitar was my habit once but playing for a girl was never really my thing. I guess the reason it never came to me before is because my mom packed my guitar last year after my Mid-Sem Mathematics marks started looking more like zeros. Yeah, Zeros. Anyways, Kesha wasn't taking my calls and I was at home, alone with no work and I wandered around the house holding my phone waiting desperately. I spotted my guitar under my bed. I opened the cover only to see the broken strings on my acoustic guitar. I dusted it and got it tuned with new strings. Though It had been like a year I haven’t played a guitar, it came to me pretty quickly. I kept it in a better visual this time. It Enhanced the Look of my room. Yet there was no reason to play it again until last night when I found myself fantasizing about what would happen when Kesha and I will have a conversation again.

Oh, Karthik I..I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done anything that I did. I love you. Do you remember the time you asked me why I didn't love you? I had no answer because I did loved you!

And all the nonsense I make up. I was smiling stupidly. I thought buying something special for her would make her say this words but I didn't knew what was in my mind. Luckily, I slept facing the guitar on the corner of my room and It came to me at the moment and I asked her to come with me. We reached the place in no more time. There was none other but Dhiru kaka, the watchman. Sweetest old man of all. He welcomed us in. We went inside the farmhouse where we expected them to be. I kept my feet inside to see them giggle.

'Hey. You're here! Taral was telling me about all the troubles you went through. I am terribly sorry. I should have atleast checked my facebook!' Kesha Apologized.

'what are you even talking about? ' I smiled trying to act smart. They laughed their lungs out.

'Didn’t I tell you? ' Taral said. She couldn't stop laughing.

'Omg. hahaha! All hail the psychic queen.'

'What?' I was confused.

'They were betting on your reply to that! 'Jaimin explained.

'What? Is it true?' I felt stupid.

'Sorry!' They both laughed.

'Anyways, I thought you should inform at your home, we were Planning to stay here till sunset. '

'I already did. I told them I'm at Taral’s house.'

'And This is my Home! I don’t need to inform anyone.' Taral Boasted.

'That’s because Dhiru kaka must have already informed at your home!' Jaimin Pointed.

 'Whatever.'

Okay! I told myself. I went to the kitchen and opened the fridge to keep the cake inside where jaimin whispered in my ear. ‘ Hey, there is this thing. I mean, Isn't this a little weird?’

'What is?’

'We brought our girls to a place far from the city, in a lonely place. We look like perverts from 70's movies.'

'What! No! We don't!’ It put me thinking.

‘It Doesn't right? I'm here to play guitar for her. Not.. You know what I'm talking about!’ I said defending me.

'But it looks like..Like we are here to seduce them.' We felt so wrong that even talking about it was uncomfortable and we were searching for words that do not emphasize our pure intentions in the wrong direction.

'Shh! Stop talking like a dumbo. It's not like that. Nothing is like that.'

'Of course I know but what will they think?'

'Why did put this in my mind! You’re making me uncomfortable!’

We started acting weird. Naturally. We started exchanging looks and felt guilty for nothing. More we felt guilty, more we acted stupid. We both laughed stupidly and talked no sense. Even when Taral shared how she hated being alone, I laughed and said, 'I see. It's nothing but.’ And started laughing weirdly.

'So what are we supposed to do now? ' jaimin said in my ear.

Damn. The scene was now more like the 70's scene and we were a step ahead already! Acting Weird.

‘God! Are they thinking the same?’ I whispered back.

‘I hope not!’ he said and laughed again. Weirdly.

Kesha went to the washroom in some time and taral smiled stupidly until she was gone. She screamed angrily at us after.

'What's wrong with you two!'

‘Ahh..It looks like we brought you here to..seduce you both like in the movies but trust me it's not like that. Could she be thinking like that?' I said with hesitation.

She started laughing on us. ‘Are you serious?’

‘What happened?’ she kept laughing on us until kesha came back and asked.

'They think we would be thinking we are their preys at this lonely place and so they are trying to prove their intentions are pure and so therefore acting weirdly from last half an hour.

They both laughed on us like we were gay!

‘What? Why are you laughing?’

‘Nothing, just. Don't worry. You're safe with us. We won't do anything to you too. Our intention are also clear.’  Taral said, still laughing.

And They both laughed on us for like next half hour. It felt good that they trusted us enough and knew us too but this felt insulting! Male ego - just got hit by a nuclear bomb. Bye bye, dear. Never mind It relaxed us. I wonder why rapists gave the excuses like, "she challenged my manhood!"

I felt completely okay. Actually, More comfortable.

‘So are we gonna cut my cake or what? ‘ Kesha asked excitedly.

‘Yeah. I'll bring it.' Taral walked to kitchen.

Kesha and taral were busy decorating all the candles on the cake. Well, there were only 3 candles but they found it pretty hard to arrange. Girls!

‘Okay. That's it.’ She said and looked up as I was waiting for her to see the guitar in my hand. She finally reacted after a short pause.

‘Shit! Is that a guitar or have I lost all of my senses? EEEEE!!!’ She Screamed.

I know! Girls love Guitars. But this was no ordinary girl. Kesha really was a ‘See a guitar,  go crazy’ girl. I could see the smile on her face. Feel The pride on mine. She was blushing. She was like the helpless person who couldn't take off their smile. She held the knife, and I started to play. With every chord I played, she became happier. I didn't wanted to screw it so I kept me focused on playing my guitar though I desperately wanted to watch her expressions. I do though, remember that one look while my fingers were on the 3rd fret, holding 4 strings and my eyes captured the look that till today is the best memory I have of her, the best time I would go back to if I had a time machine, the best moment of my life with her. Her smile was unstoppable and as we sang the happy birthday song, she blushed the hell out of her face. Finally she cut the cake and though I expected me to be the owner of the first piece, taral got it. But then, I had a guitar in my hand. She came to me and said 'Thank you. It was my best birthday ever.'

Bingo! I did it! I’m Awesome, Ain’t I?

'It was nothing. Happy birthday.' I smiled. I hope she understood my sarcasm. She smiled back. Maybe because she did. It was clear, right? Me doing everything and saying it's nothing! She even bet on me at the first place. Ah! I pushed my brain too much. I wish I did it when I sit down with my books. We finished the remaining cake as our hunger spoke through our bellies. Unfortunately but it was not enough. The Tiffin, our dear Dhiru kaka brought, became the feast to our half-empty stomachs. Poor guy remained empty stomach. But he still is a lucky man. His wife cooks food so tasty, I remember eating the last piece so hard, I almost ate my fingers with it. Anyways I got my punishment for stealing dhiru kaka’s lunch when kesha and taral killed our ears trying to play the guitar. They broke some strings and finally stopped playing. Thank God they did! If it would have lasted any longer, I would have smashed my guitar into the ground! Jaimin though played nice tabla on it afterwards!

The sun finally came near to set. We were all sitting at the point. I often open a dictionary to find words to describe this place but there are none. A fallen construction, a half broke cement wall and broken stairs to get to the place but once you get there, You see nothing but the ground go infinitely to the end where it touched the sky and the sun going down. Slowly, fading in the partly clouded sky or the ground? You just don’t get to see. No one had a word to share. We were just busy watching the sun. I preferred to watch kesha Instead. She kept asking me not to and I didn't stopped asking her ‘why?’ Taral as always, favored me saying she was going to the other side. Jaimin joined him. How good of them to give us some privacy. They left. I knew I had a moment. I was wondering how to start a conversation and break the silence good. She started but.

'So, I was acting like a bitch, huh?'

I was mute. Terribly mute. Omg! Is she gonna kill me! I should have not said that. Shit!

‘I...aa’ I mumbled.

‘ I'm sorry. I was playing with you.’ She broke into laughter.

'so, Taral told you that?' I felt relieved.

' Yes. And your face at the moment, I should have taken a picture.!’.

'I’m sorry but I didn't knew you lost your phone!' I said in my defense.

'Actually, I didn't lost my phone on the beach, I threw it out of my balcony! '

' What! Why? ' I asked.  I mean if I was unhappy with my phone, I would have replaced it with some other. But throwing it out of the balcony is unbelievable! My dad would kill me if I did that!

' I don't want to talk about this to anybody, I don’t need anyone’s sympathy! ' she said and her eyes grew wet. My heart stopped! Sympathy? are you gonna die? Please don’t die! I felt terrible.

' Hey, what's wrong?'

' My..my parents are getting divorced! '

She said and then looked away.

Thank god! I said to myself. It’s just her parents getting divorced. Wait what?!

‘What?’ I asked.

‘My lovely parents are getting a divorce. You know when they decide not to stay together any longer?’ She said angrily.

‘I know. I just was a little taken back. I didn't knew, Sorry!’

‘It’s okay. I’m not angry anymore.’

‘So you throw your phone when they told you?’

‘Well no. Not really. I thought they were joking. Our maid told me they were serious and when my mom called me, I ran to my balcony and threw my phone in the sea! well not actually in the sea, but I aimed for it.’ she smirked. Her Room had a sea View! Wow.

‘I’m sorry. Are you okay?’

‘yeah, I’m pretty fine. Who needs them anyway! I’m just gonna complete my studies, Be a cardiologist, buy a big house and then just gonna live my life.’

‘Any plans on marriage?’ I tried to make her laugh.

‘Yeah. Will see to that!’ she smiled.

‘Are they that bad? Your parents?’ I asked.

‘No! They are best as parents. They are just not as husband and wife. I wonder how was it when they loved each other. Can you believe their marriage was a love marriage?’

‘Well, things change! there must have been a reason, don’t you think?’

‘Yeah! there must have been one.’

‘When was the last time you talked to them?’

‘The last time I was with them.’

‘Why? Don’t they call you!’ I asked.

‘Yeah they do. I don’t answer. They must have even called today. I don’t want to talk to them.’

‘Kesha, dear you have to talk to them! hiding from your feelings won’t make it better!’

‘I don’t want your sympathies and I don’t want to talk to them.’

‘Okay. As you wish. but just for an instance, think about your parents. you said they were best as parents. Can you imagine what would have they gone through to tell you about their divorce and how much do you think they are suffering now? seeing their only girl not answering their calls. Do you understand what it is to a father? a mother?’

She thought for a while. She cried out a few drops. I wiped away some of them though she resisted.

‘Do you think I should call them?’

‘Yes. you should. Call them.’

‘Can I borrow your phone. I don’t have mine!’

‘yeah, sure.’ I handed her my phone.

She turned a little off during the rings but as soon as her mom took the call, she started feeling good. Her voice though was feeble during the entire conversation, her soul was getting lighter with every passing minute. I saw her sobbing a minute, and smiling another. I felt so proud of myself. I Knew she was too brittle to understand her parents’ divorce but she had to face it. I sat by her side the entire time and of all that I could hear, I knew she was relieved. I knew her parents were relieved. I knew I was relieved. She kept the phone down bidding her byes. She didn't talk that much but she looked relaxed.

‘So?’ I asked.

‘They are happy I called!’ she sobbed.

‘and you?’

‘In an uncertain way, yes. I’m very glad.’

I smiled at her. I loved the way how smartly she used those words.

She turned towards me. Looked at me like I looked at her. she stared at me like I used to. I looked in her eyes and said nothing. I didn't knew what to say. I never felt something like that. It was like we were having a conversation just by looking at each other. She came near and hugged me. I held her in my arms like a little baby. My arms, naturally went to hug her back with one on her head and other on her back. I could feel her heart beat against mine. I could feel her soft skin against my body. I could touch her silky hairs and I could feel nothing else. I was lost. Lost in her arms if that doesn't sound cheesy. My senses never had an intake of so much feel that it jammed. I held her in my arms as the sun set down. Slower this time, much slower this time.

Apologies & A Birthday Part - I

Chapter 11

Apologies & A Birthday Part - I

I wonder what's wrong. I wonder what happened. I wonder why it happened. I just hope it goes away. Why is life dull without her! It sucks that she's always infront of my eyes but we never are. I look into her eyes and I crave for her but I don't know why I saw it unrighteous to apologize. My heart was dying to be with her but my conscience knew it was wrong. Kesha, she saw me every day looking at her, knowing I missed her like hell but she had no courtesy to feel it. The problem was with me. I should have been more like her than being me. While Taral in her best way, begged me that she could talk with her about this. There was no meaning in it if Kesha didn't wanted to approach me by herself. All she wanted was to look me in the eye and stab me in the heart. Everyday of the week. Even on the Heavenly Sundays, she managed to do it easily. I saw my confidence collapse when I see her roaming around in pajamas with her hairs wet. To worsen it, she looked the cutest in them. I loved the Sunday morning tuition for one reason and that too was damned! Sometimes I felt like she was doing it on purpose. Bollywood, much!

The Cold days were started. The morning grew harder. Less sleep at night and early school in the morning made it worst for me. I applied for a short leave at school but the principal said I could only be given a leave if I die. That was so rude! Maybe I was the most undisciplined student in the school and maybe I have plotted to murder him before but that was Horribly rude! Anyways, that meant I had to see her no matter what my choice was. I tried staying away from her as much as I could, I even tried to stay hidden in my class during recess but no matter what, she would always see me and I would always her. If this would have happened before, I would have been the happiest person alive but now is the time I want to stop myself from seeing her. Only that could help me stop loving her. Okay, I don't want to stop loving her. I wish it was possible! but atleast I need to hold enough to keep myself together.

           ~

‘It’s her Birthday tomorrow.’ Jaimin said pointing Kesha who was waiting in the queue with Taral.

‘I know. I was waiting for this day from the day I was born...’ I said Sarcastically.

‘So, you are gonna talk to her, right?’ Asked Jaimin. God! why can’t he understand a bit of sarcasm.

‘No! you do that.’ I said a little aggressively.

‘I want you to wish her. She wants you to wish her.’ Taral sat down with her favorite item, Mendu Vadas. Actually, mine too.

‘I’m not gonna do that. And all she wants is to see me miserable. I'm not gonna be that either.’

‘Do it for me!’ She said with a puppy face.

‘Don’t you do that with me! I’m not going to talk to her. Besides If she wanted me to wish her, she would have atleast talked to me after she returned. Did she?'

'No, She didn't. But did you? Did you go to her? Have you thought that maybe she was embarrassed enough to start a conversation with you again?

'Yes. She's totally right' Jaimin added.

'Okay great! Now both of my best friends will force me to talk to a girl, I introduced to them. Why? because I'm the biggest loser Alive.’

‘Why are you acting like you don't care? You know you love her! I can't believe you are the same person who came to me, begging me to make her sit infront of your table at the canteen so you can see her during break and hear her chatting nonsense and though we both knew how cheap that idea was, you did that! I did that! And all Because you loved her. And I know you still do. Why is your ego bothering you now! ’

‘Because she is acting like a B...bitch! The girl I loved smiled at me whenever I looked at her. She used to talk with me with the sweetest words I could think of! She used to hold my hand unknowingly in the theatre! And even at the worst times, she picked my calls. She understood that I needed her. And now, she’s acting like she’s not the same person anymore!’

‘And so are you! I don't know why do I try convincing you everytime. Go to hell!’ she said and left in a storm. Why does she have to do it in school canteen? People start looking at you like you just murdered someone. I walked from the place like I really did murdered someone. I knew where she was. I raced to the basketball court. No matter how much a girl seems to be typical, there are few things you know that never changes. She was hurt, she was mad. She used to be there sitting on the highest line, Under the shade of the greenest tree burying her complains.

‘Look I’m sorry! I’ll talk to her. I’ll wish her her birthday but that would be it. I Will not ask her why she didn't took my calls and I will not talk to her ever after that! Promise me you won’t ask me anything more.’ I said approaching towards her. .

'Don't do it. It's okay. I should have not forced you.' she Looked away.

'I said I was sorry! Now can you please look at me and tell me you're fine?' I Said apologizing. I don’t know how Kesha became so important to her in such a short time? How can I ask that! Silly me!

'I'm not fine. Finally after a long time, I see everyone back together. I don't want you to break our gang again. You brought her to me, made her close to me and now you want us to leave her because you don’t want to clear your problems with her!'

'I'm going to talk to her. I said that, didn't I? '

'But do you want to? '

'Are you kidding me? I want to be the first person to wish her on her birthday for the rest of my life. But not like this. Not if she doesn't want me to. I’m not going to force her into anything again. I know what it leads to.'

'She wants you to talk to her. You know that she does ' she said in a deepened voice. It gave me chills!

'I hope so.' I said. 'Come on now, you left empty stomach. We need something for you that you can eat in the class. Break is almost over. '

'Okay but you're gonna pay for both. The food that got wasted because of you and the packets you'll make me eat now.'

'Okay! You know what, Someday I'll just buy the whole canteen for you so you won't have to bother ever again.’

'Oh I wish you were a man of your words!' she mocked.

'and i’m Glad I’m not. ' I laughed.

The time started moving slow. I was glad, excited but to the truth, I was mostly nervous. I was practicing my speech at one moment, other moment I was reconsidering whether I should or should not approach her. Yes or no, deciding this simple thing and it took my whole day. I suddenly see myself standing in the lobby. My eyes at her. She’s wearing no uniform today. It’s her birthday. Her eyes are covered with black mascara, her face whiter than it ever is.  Rays of sunlight shined even more wherever she kept her feet. She has this expensive skirt on and the turquoise top on her makes it impossible to not notice how beautiful she looks today. Be it her beauty or she herself, I've forgiven her already. I’m wanting her back. I no longer see what's between us! I want to apologize to her. I want to tell her that she can or cannot love me and I’m okay with that. Finally she’s near. She is not looking at me but she knows i’m here. She’s trying to ignore me. I am growing weak every step she takes closer. I’m shivering now. My hands are not responding. She’s right on my side, passing, going, out of my sight now and I've lost all my senses. Other than my hand that still feels warm. I look towards it only to realize i’m holding her hand. I've stopped her. she didn't unhold. she hasn't slapped me. Her hair are falling back as she’s turning towards me with hesitation and as she looks at me, I notice the glowing tear on her milky white cheeks. I raise a hand to wipe it but she stops me.

Still holding the grip tight she asked me. ‘What?’

‘What..what?’ I replied in a confused voice with a terrible concern. The tear on her face was stabbing me like a frozen piece of ice in my chest!

‘What do you want?’

‘I..want to wish you, I guess!’ I Joked. Damn, Why am I so Stupid!

‘’Oh did you remember it or seeing me in this dress reminds you that there is someone you know you haven't talked with since what? ever? ’ she was angry. She had to be. She had all the rights. Damn! She was looking like a goddess! I didn't wanted to argue with her but I couldn't help it.

‘what? Of course I remember. and do you remember there is a person named Karthik who’s been trying to apologize to you since that day in CCD. Did you pick any of my calls?’

‘what calls? You did not made any calls!’

‘I called you Everyday! Texted you a million times and you never replied!’

‘if you really did called me, why didn't you came to meet me after I returned. Why didn't you asked me have I received any of your texts ? why did you ignored me?’

‘Ignored you? You stared at me like I was the first name on your hit list!

‘No! You were the one who looked away when I smiled at you.’

‘you never smiled at me!’

‘Of course I Did! why would I lie?’

‘Because you didn't! And whatever! Why the hell you didn't pick any of my calls. why did you switched your phone off?’

‘I lost my phone the 5th day I went to Diu! All my contacts with it.’

‘wh...where? ‘

‘on the beach!’

‘ho .. how?

‘Must have slipped out of my pocket’

‘why?’

‘Why? I don’t know why! It just slipped out!’

‘I mean..what! I meant what! I’m so sorry I thought you were Ignoring me!’

‘why in the world would I do that?’ She cutely asked. Damn. A sad cute girl is the best combination in the world.

‘Because I forced you. I forced you to answer me why don't you love me and I’m sorry about that. I have to apologize. I was stupid to be furious about you not replying back.’

‘I am sorry too. I think I overreacted at the Cafe.’

‘No it was my fault.’ I apologized. ‘ but why didn't you see the one I sent on Facebook then? I inboxed you in it.’

‘Oh. I haven't checked my Facebook since I was here last time . I guess that’s my fault. but i’ll love to read that apology letter.’ she mocked.

'Why? You don't trust me?'

'See this is what I hate about you. Always acting like a suspicious bitch! Oh god I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said that. 'she giggled. God, it was such a relief seeing her smile again.

‘Sorry!'. I smiled. ‘uhh..Come with me. let’s bunk the remaining class. tell Taral, she’s coming with us. and I’ll tell Jaimin.’

‘Ah.. No! I don't think bunking school on my birthday makes up to my values!’

‘Oh, Fuck your values yaar! We gotta Go!’ came Running Taral from the back of the library door.

‘You were Spying on us?’ I Stared at her.

‘Not ‘Us’ , I was spying on you! I thought you would never talk to her. Come on now Kesha, we gotta run before anyone sees us.’’

‘But...’ Kesha hesitated as Taral dragged her to the class and brought their bags. I ran to our class and got my bag. I had something in mind. I knew how to make it up to her but that needed a lone place. No disturbers, no spies, no rumour bags, Just us. We bunked out the school. There were many places in the city named bunker’s point, lover’s point, suicide points to get that but we had our own place. Yes we did not own it but Taral did. Her dad's farm house. It lied a few kilometers out of the city. There was a glorious sunset point there. I Promised myself it would be her best birthday ever.