From Kesha to Dhruvita to Cigarettes to Architecture

Chapter 16

From Kesha to Dhruvita to Cigarettes to Architecture

Kesha is gone. A part of me with her is gone. A lot of things happened after she left and I can't say they were particularly bad. Most of them were actually great. More importantly, my life caught that train. Which my dad was so desperate for me to catch. There has been situations i'm not so proud of. Stuff we did I'm not very proud of. But a year gone now and it has been months after but I still do wonder where she is and I do wonder how she is.

Since the Catastrophe, Kesha kept herself away from us. That was the only time I realized we were her only friends. And I was her only hope to a normal happy life. I wished I could call her but I didn't had the guts. watching her at school was the only time I fathomed how much I still loved her. Otherwise, It was just pain. But then, exams came nearer and silence hit everyone. Taral had it all revised. Jaimin didn't have to. I was at Sagar's while Kesha's phone was off. Just like ever.

                                                                                            

                                             ～

"Dude, don't worry about it. She'll be back. Things will sort out. Read!" Sagar had said before exams. And It was heaving my soul out as it looped in my head. It had not even been a week after exams when Taral called to devastate me by informing me that Kesha left the city. My hopes, few of which were left in me shattered in regrets. There was one last letter Kesha left for me with Taral. A letter? How dramatic! I smiled while I cried. I loved this girl more than anything in the world and I was doing nothing to stop her. I was losing the other half of my soul. So I tried to call her but she already had changed her number. Taral sweared she didn't knew anything about her other than that she left with her mom to live in Pune. Taral came to my house that evening with the letter in her bag.

"Dear Karthik,

      I'm sorry. I wish things were simpler. And I wish I had never hurt you. Last year was the best time of my life. You were the reason why. I'm glad that in this vast crowd of the world I found you and I know it's hard to understand that I don't love you. Honestly, It's even hard for me. I love you Karthik but it's different. You want something from me I don't possess strength enough to share. You wanted me! and I'm sorry but I can't give you that. Over the time we spent together there were moments when I wanted to clear this before you but maybe I didn't had the guts to lose you. But when you kissed me, I realized that if I'll never leave you, you could never leave me. I'm sorry that I kissed you. I should have stopped you. But I hope you forgive me. And I hope you forget me. Go ahead with your life. I hope someday, we will meet again.

       -Kesha"

I was smiling when I held the paper down, Taral said. I remember crying. It was depressing, the fact that I lost her. Forever. I shivered so much my voice didn't made a sound. Taral and Jaimin took care of me like my parents for the next few days. I apologized to them and they got to be the one who says, "Dosto se maafi mangega kaminey!" I was not so overwhelmed by the fact that we were back the same because we always were. Besides the fact that they were officially a couple was a little uncomfortable. I felt like the third wheel. 'Kabab me haddi'. The problem was that I was single. And I knew I wasn't gonna add someone any soon. Maybe ever! The thing about love is that; once you love someone, everything else is a lie to you. And with her she took away what I believed in. Lost as I was, I started running away because sitting there doing nothing only made me remember her and remembering her killed me more than anything. As soon as the vacation started, They started working on making me think straight. We were out for a coffee when Taral's friend Dhruvita bumped into us. How often do we think about co-incidences. There never are any co-incidences. We just are destined to meet, right? well this time, Taral wrote the fate. It wasn't hard to understand that we were supposed to bump into Dhruvita but I was least interested in her and I wondered why Taral did it when she knew that I always said that I will find my girl myself! However Dhruvita proved herself interesting in one conversation. A coffee with her once and she can win you. She was smart. Confident in her own ways. She was fun. She watched movies. She loved to get dressed for hours. She danced in the doorway and sang in the bathroom. She was a very happy girl. And being around her made me happy. and I knew that was the exact reason why Taral introduced her to me. But I didn't wanted to be in a relationship just a month after Kesha. It seemed wrong. Like I never loved her. At some point, I did wondered if Kesha was right? Is there no such thing as love? Does it just comes up with every girl/boy you be with? Was it all fake? Love? I didn't knew but It always seemed wrong. This wrongness made me hate her less and in a way helped me like Dhruvita more. And I didn't knew why Dhruvita liked me but I liked her because she liked me, she cared about me and she was beautiful. She had this strange way of putting her hairs. She had this cute face which concealed her hotness. She was extremely attached and she was a hand talker. It was cute how her hands moved more than her lips. And it was only a month gone, she was my girlfriend. It was that simple. Getting a girlfriend. And I stayed up all nights mourning for Kesha, Turning my world upside down for nothing. But It was different. It was love and this way simply attraction. Hormones.

We both knew, This wasn't 'The love'. We were all but clear that what we had was temporary and not permanent. We had over differences. She wanted something from life that stays and I wanted life itself to go. I used to count days from our first meeting at the cafe. I knew there was something gonna happen between us and sadly I knew it was also gonna end. Just how long can you cheat yourself, I wondered. 158 days it were. 158 days of love. Hearts. Kisses. Hugs. and Making out. No fights, no lies. It was perfect between me and Dhruvita until we decided to end it. Why? because those kisses were nothing compared to that one kiss with Kesha. For Dhruvita, the problem was me. If I had never met Kesha before, I think me and Dhruvita would have taken it to the next level but Kesha changed me and maybe Dhruvita was trying her best to bring me back but that Karthik, the innocent heart, was just not there anymore. Maybe it just dies with time. So we broke up. Yeah, we weren't smiling but there was no pain in the middle of my chest I felt when Kesha left. Maybe because my heart was cold now. It couldn't feel love. Or that it minded it's business that was to pump blood. An american author F. Scott Fitzgerald once quoted, "In the end we were all just humans drunk on the idea that love, only love could heal our brokenness" I blindly believed in this. But after Dhruvita, I knew nobody could heal me. Because I wasn't wounded. I was just growing. 

Human behavior allows us to get addicted. Sometimes more but most of the time to one particular thing. Like once I was with Kesha, I was now with Cigarettes. Wise men will ask you not to smoke because cigarettes are bad for your health. They maybe are. But it got my train back on rails. You can't really understand how life works. It's all linked up. A kind of a ladder. You can climb a step one at a time but you can't tell where it will take you until you reach there. You can't really join the links upward. All you gotta do is trust life. For me, I had lost my trust on my idea that life will work out itself. You need to take a stand. Mine, Stood for itself. Unlike other social activities, Smoking was a thing that you have to do hiding. Smoking is not socially acceptable. The reason is not the smoke, Not the smell. It's the image people have gotten in their heads; Smoking is bad and every person who smokes is bad. So you need to keep it a secret. St. Xavier Smokers, none that I had acquaintances with used to smoke behind the end of the alley on the back of the school's playground. The thing is your parents will never spot you smoking but some neighbor of yours or some fucking relative surely will. Because that's their fucking job; Being Sherlock fucking Holmes. So I had chosen the same spot. What cigarettes do best is make you friends. And I made some there. Smoking friends. The smoking friends had this strange thing between them. They weren't so close to each other and they never tried to but they always smoked together. It was like the only thing that kept them all together was a bunch of cigarettes. Most of the people I saw smoking were actually better than the people who didn't smoked. They were honest, they were practical and mostly they were real. They didn't had fake fantasies from life. And they had it all figured out. It was weird. I was fantasizing to be one of them. Raghuvir, was the guy I envied. He was the guy who taught me why you need to figure stuff out. He came from a very rich background. He had his father waiting for him to take over his business but he didn't do it. Raghuvir used to say, Do stuff that makes you happy. If it's cigarettes, smoke them. If it's learning, learn till you die and if it's just sitting there doing nothing. Do nothing but never force yourself in doing things that makes you sad. He was sort of a philosophical guy. He told me a story about reasons. When he was young, his parents gave him every type of toys available. But he always played with Legos. Only Legos. He made houses, he made cars and he made anything but he would just make. He loved to design and build. He knew it from the beginning what he wanted to do and he was opting for architecture and well, Baroda was the city of architecture colleges. I was inspired by him but I never was as influenced as much as I was from the books that told me what Architecture actually was. I found the thing I was looking for. Creative, Practical, and Sensible. I researched a little and I was fascinated by it. It took efforts in convincing my dad for a career choice of architecture but in the end he was glad watching me thinking more practical. Convincing my dad just permitted me to get into an architecture college but it wasn't easy getting into an architecture college. Facts be known, I was not a scholar. I had to score but I was not studious. My way in? NATA. Nata was an aptitude test required to pass for applying in the architecture colleges. What I planned? I planned to put my face fucked down deep for this test. For the next 124 days of the year, I took NATA tuition and put up my every efforts in it. This were the days I really forgot everything and everyone. I was in my own universe. I was in solitude. There were boys and there were girls where I took NATA but weird as it was I don't remember talking to any of them even once. It was a beautiful time. I was not very bad at sketching, but finally I was being good at it. Sketching was an art I really wanted to learn because it helped me in expressing my thoughts and the images in my head came out and the more I expressed, the less I was depressed. Finally after 12th ended, I gave NATA and I passed with a good score. Raghuvir applied for CEPT which was the finest university of all in Gujarat. I didn't get any near CEPT so I waved up to what I had left about. And even if I could get anywhere, deep down I didn't wanted to leave Baroda. So I applied for BSA (Baroda School of Architecture). Now it was not the best but it certainly was something. You can feel the vibe just as you enter the campus. The faculties, the environment. The seniors. Everything was amazing. And getting into this college was simply a delight. It made me feel happy. and Happiness made me remember her and she makes me smile. Whatever happened between us, The best thing she did for me was to give me memories. And you can't hate someone who gave you memories. You just cherish them, remember them and wish they stayed.

The Effects of The Catastrophe

The Effects of The Catastrophe

'The consequences of any situation entirely depends on how you react to it.' It looped into my head. I couldn't remember catching it anywhere but I still asked myself: What if I had asked her why? What if I had kissed her again? What if I’d explained my motives behind the kiss? ‘Was there any motive?’ she would have asked. ‘No, It was heat of the moment!’ I would  have said. She would have smiled. I would have asked her,this time with a little intensity in my voice, why can't she love me and she would have said ‘I need time.’ I would have agreed and we would have waited. Waited for time to help us being us. All this either contained if or would. That was a problem. Kesha Thakar, the stupid thing that hauled my heart out of my body, still was the most honest wish I ever had. That was the problem. I might have tried to act mature but deep down inside It was me, Karthik. The guy who never could stay shut. The guy who never wanted to. Who never had a secret but now he did. A secret that hid his brokenness. A secret that defined him. His idiocy, His Foolishness, His Innocence. Having her back (Even though I never had her once for real ) was my only wish to Santas or Genies or whoever existed in our childhood when things were simple. Yet I was standing right there where we once kissed, where we last stood together , again today, wondering would I have chosen it if it happened all over again? Would I choose the same fate? Maybe knowing already what her words were, I couldn't dare enough to hear it from her. Shutting her up was the only way. However, I couldn't decide whether I did the right thing. This whole disaster made me too brittle to think straight. Taral named it The Catastrophe. It felt horrible. Not the name, it was funny in it’s own way. Horrible was to face her. She wasn't wrong and I didn't hated her or something but knowing that neither she nor I was in fault pricked me unbearably. I wanted to hate her but honestly, I cannot. I've tried.I cannot. I did my best to avoid her but only if she understood , I was resisting myself. To face the girl who breaks you just when you knew nothing can, is terribly awful. She knew that. And it killed me that she knew that. It would have not been easy for her too, I understood well but her ignorance made me miserable. Her voice never dropped on my ear ever again and it sucked my happiness like a black hole. This place, the existence, it all seemed empty. Maybe I knew that was what I needed but I wanted her to talk to me. I wanted her to explain. Like she did always. She was best friends with taral and she told her about The Catastrophe. Taral called me a hundred times to comfort me and told me why I needed to move on. Trying to tell me how much a better girl I’ll find one day.(How could have she understood the difference between better and Kesha? The only better Kesha was Kesha loving me back. There was no other Kesha!) She asked me how I was and I kept lying with every word promising her that I was fine.She told me how much she cared for me and asked whether she should come over. I denied. She apologized for what she hid saying it would have been easier for me if she would have opened up before! “I’m in a two months relationship with Jaimin Khandaria” She said, Pausing to hear my reactions. I had none. It was not a time for letting me know that everyone other than me were going towards a happy ending. She continued,“Jaimin apologized to me on that Sunday before you and Kesha came to me. (The word Kesha ached my heart like a tumor in my chest.) and as he held me when I cried, he asked me what was wrong with him? Why didn't I loved him instead of a douchebag like Dixit?” I was puzzled but I kept listening. “I was not in a condition to think about it but I realized he was right and then, I don’t know, we came closer than ever. Officially it existence grounded around our first Sem exams.” She paused this time for a long moment. I could see it. How they both were great giving us privacy everywhere. How they suddenly went invisible. Shockingly they were selfish, not selfless. but I wasn't interested in them. Not at that moment. Yet I asked, “um..Then?” She replied with one word, “Kesha” This ‘Kesha’ Struck with a horrible fear. What with Kesha? “She was a girl so yeah, she knew about us. The thing was, she asked me not to reveal it to Karthik, you, as she assumed it will give you a false hope that maybe someday, you both will be together.” “What!” I nearly shouted. “Why would she say that?” I was devastated. “‘Don’t you think one day you both might get along?’ I had asked her,” She said  but horrible as it was, Kesha never saw that day coming. Maybe Kesha never was brutal and maybe she didn't wanted to hurt me and maybe kesha wasn't wrong at all in not loving me but her words were so heartbreakingly dreadful, I was sobbing silently behind the phone’s speaker. She was afraid it would break my heart and so she promised Kesha, she will not utter a word. Jaimin did the same. No matter whatever Taral had in mind for me, It was the most terrible thing she had ever done to me. I was furious. Mad than ever. I knew I was wronging her when I Shouted on her over the phone on ‘how could she do that to me’,  but I was angry. I was lost and suddenly she gave an direction. A reason to be upset. A person to be upset upon. I had a fight with both of them. Bloody badly. They considered it legitimate that I was furious and it was their fault but I knew I was wrong. Yet again I was too brittle to think straight. It hurt me for what I did was wrong but it did more than anything when Kesha seized herself to every person that affected my life. Sagar said she didn't wanted people to disappoint me because of her. Sometimes I it made me feel like she cared. Like she ffucking cared. I wondered if it would have been a little better if she was a bitch because then I would have had a reason to be mad at her but she just couldn’t stop being nice. I wanted to go face her and talk out everything that drowned me but also It had no meaning now and hurting her was never my intention so I directed my eyes at the book on my table. Our 2nd sem exams were 2 weeks away and I knew I wasn’t gonna score. I didn’t wanted to anyways, but reading kept me away from thoughts and thoughts were all that pricked me because thoughts are who we are and thoughts are what we crave for!

Apologies & A Birthday Part - II

Chapter 12

Apologies & A Birthday Part - II

Heavy winds on highway. Thing that I hate more than anything. I never had a thing about Long Drives. Especially on bikes. I was fighting with my hairs falling infront of my sight and striking my eye every other moment. We picked up the pace. Kesha and Taral were already at the place . I was of course, late! I pulled jaimin with me to get my guitar. And as I was a little low on budget, He paid for the birthday cake. He admired my plan too. He found it immensely romantic, the Guitar. Playing a guitar was my habit once but playing for a girl was never really my thing. I guess the reason it never came to me before is because my mom packed my guitar last year after my Mid-Sem Mathematics marks started looking more like zeros. Yeah, Zeros. Anyways, Kesha wasn't taking my calls and I was at home, alone with no work and I wandered around the house holding my phone waiting desperately. I spotted my guitar under my bed. I opened the cover only to see the broken strings on my acoustic guitar. I dusted it and got it tuned with new strings. Though It had been like a year I haven’t played a guitar, it came to me pretty quickly. I kept it in a better visual this time. It Enhanced the Look of my room. Yet there was no reason to play it again until last night when I found myself fantasizing about what would happen when Kesha and I will have a conversation again.

Oh, Karthik I..I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done anything that I did. I love you. Do you remember the time you asked me why I didn't love you? I had no answer because I did loved you!

And all the nonsense I make up. I was smiling stupidly. I thought buying something special for her would make her say this words but I didn't knew what was in my mind. Luckily, I slept facing the guitar on the corner of my room and It came to me at the moment and I asked her to come with me. We reached the place in no more time. There was none other but Dhiru kaka, the watchman. Sweetest old man of all. He welcomed us in. We went inside the farmhouse where we expected them to be. I kept my feet inside to see them giggle.

'Hey. You're here! Taral was telling me about all the troubles you went through. I am terribly sorry. I should have atleast checked my facebook!' Kesha Apologized.

'what are you even talking about? ' I smiled trying to act smart. They laughed their lungs out.

'Didn’t I tell you? ' Taral said. She couldn't stop laughing.

'Omg. hahaha! All hail the psychic queen.'

'What?' I was confused.

'They were betting on your reply to that! 'Jaimin explained.

'What? Is it true?' I felt stupid.

'Sorry!' They both laughed.

'Anyways, I thought you should inform at your home, we were Planning to stay here till sunset. '

'I already did. I told them I'm at Taral’s house.'

'And This is my Home! I don’t need to inform anyone.' Taral Boasted.

'That’s because Dhiru kaka must have already informed at your home!' Jaimin Pointed.

 'Whatever.'

Okay! I told myself. I went to the kitchen and opened the fridge to keep the cake inside where jaimin whispered in my ear. ‘ Hey, there is this thing. I mean, Isn't this a little weird?’

'What is?’

'We brought our girls to a place far from the city, in a lonely place. We look like perverts from 70's movies.'

'What! No! We don't!’ It put me thinking.

‘It Doesn't right? I'm here to play guitar for her. Not.. You know what I'm talking about!’ I said defending me.

'But it looks like..Like we are here to seduce them.' We felt so wrong that even talking about it was uncomfortable and we were searching for words that do not emphasize our pure intentions in the wrong direction.

'Shh! Stop talking like a dumbo. It's not like that. Nothing is like that.'

'Of course I know but what will they think?'

'Why did put this in my mind! You’re making me uncomfortable!’

We started acting weird. Naturally. We started exchanging looks and felt guilty for nothing. More we felt guilty, more we acted stupid. We both laughed stupidly and talked no sense. Even when Taral shared how she hated being alone, I laughed and said, 'I see. It's nothing but.’ And started laughing weirdly.

'So what are we supposed to do now? ' jaimin said in my ear.

Damn. The scene was now more like the 70's scene and we were a step ahead already! Acting Weird.

‘God! Are they thinking the same?’ I whispered back.

‘I hope not!’ he said and laughed again. Weirdly.

Kesha went to the washroom in some time and taral smiled stupidly until she was gone. She screamed angrily at us after.

'What's wrong with you two!'

‘Ahh..It looks like we brought you here to..seduce you both like in the movies but trust me it's not like that. Could she be thinking like that?' I said with hesitation.

She started laughing on us. ‘Are you serious?’

‘What happened?’ she kept laughing on us until kesha came back and asked.

'They think we would be thinking we are their preys at this lonely place and so they are trying to prove their intentions are pure and so therefore acting weirdly from last half an hour.

They both laughed on us like we were gay!

‘What? Why are you laughing?’

‘Nothing, just. Don't worry. You're safe with us. We won't do anything to you too. Our intention are also clear.’  Taral said, still laughing.

And They both laughed on us for like next half hour. It felt good that they trusted us enough and knew us too but this felt insulting! Male ego - just got hit by a nuclear bomb. Bye bye, dear. Never mind It relaxed us. I wonder why rapists gave the excuses like, "she challenged my manhood!"

I felt completely okay. Actually, More comfortable.

‘So are we gonna cut my cake or what? ‘ Kesha asked excitedly.

‘Yeah. I'll bring it.' Taral walked to kitchen.

Kesha and taral were busy decorating all the candles on the cake. Well, there were only 3 candles but they found it pretty hard to arrange. Girls!

‘Okay. That's it.’ She said and looked up as I was waiting for her to see the guitar in my hand. She finally reacted after a short pause.

‘Shit! Is that a guitar or have I lost all of my senses? EEEEE!!!’ She Screamed.

I know! Girls love Guitars. But this was no ordinary girl. Kesha really was a ‘See a guitar,  go crazy’ girl. I could see the smile on her face. Feel The pride on mine. She was blushing. She was like the helpless person who couldn't take off their smile. She held the knife, and I started to play. With every chord I played, she became happier. I didn't wanted to screw it so I kept me focused on playing my guitar though I desperately wanted to watch her expressions. I do though, remember that one look while my fingers were on the 3rd fret, holding 4 strings and my eyes captured the look that till today is the best memory I have of her, the best time I would go back to if I had a time machine, the best moment of my life with her. Her smile was unstoppable and as we sang the happy birthday song, she blushed the hell out of her face. Finally she cut the cake and though I expected me to be the owner of the first piece, taral got it. But then, I had a guitar in my hand. She came to me and said 'Thank you. It was my best birthday ever.'

Bingo! I did it! I’m Awesome, Ain’t I?

'It was nothing. Happy birthday.' I smiled. I hope she understood my sarcasm. She smiled back. Maybe because she did. It was clear, right? Me doing everything and saying it's nothing! She even bet on me at the first place. Ah! I pushed my brain too much. I wish I did it when I sit down with my books. We finished the remaining cake as our hunger spoke through our bellies. Unfortunately but it was not enough. The Tiffin, our dear Dhiru kaka brought, became the feast to our half-empty stomachs. Poor guy remained empty stomach. But he still is a lucky man. His wife cooks food so tasty, I remember eating the last piece so hard, I almost ate my fingers with it. Anyways I got my punishment for stealing dhiru kaka’s lunch when kesha and taral killed our ears trying to play the guitar. They broke some strings and finally stopped playing. Thank God they did! If it would have lasted any longer, I would have smashed my guitar into the ground! Jaimin though played nice tabla on it afterwards!

The sun finally came near to set. We were all sitting at the point. I often open a dictionary to find words to describe this place but there are none. A fallen construction, a half broke cement wall and broken stairs to get to the place but once you get there, You see nothing but the ground go infinitely to the end where it touched the sky and the sun going down. Slowly, fading in the partly clouded sky or the ground? You just don’t get to see. No one had a word to share. We were just busy watching the sun. I preferred to watch kesha Instead. She kept asking me not to and I didn't stopped asking her ‘why?’ Taral as always, favored me saying she was going to the other side. Jaimin joined him. How good of them to give us some privacy. They left. I knew I had a moment. I was wondering how to start a conversation and break the silence good. She started but.

'So, I was acting like a bitch, huh?'

I was mute. Terribly mute. Omg! Is she gonna kill me! I should have not said that. Shit!

‘I...aa’ I mumbled.

‘ I'm sorry. I was playing with you.’ She broke into laughter.

'so, Taral told you that?' I felt relieved.

' Yes. And your face at the moment, I should have taken a picture.!’.

'I’m sorry but I didn't knew you lost your phone!' I said in my defense.

'Actually, I didn't lost my phone on the beach, I threw it out of my balcony! '

' What! Why? ' I asked.  I mean if I was unhappy with my phone, I would have replaced it with some other. But throwing it out of the balcony is unbelievable! My dad would kill me if I did that!

' I don't want to talk about this to anybody, I don’t need anyone’s sympathy! ' she said and her eyes grew wet. My heart stopped! Sympathy? are you gonna die? Please don’t die! I felt terrible.

' Hey, what's wrong?'

' My..my parents are getting divorced! '

She said and then looked away.

Thank god! I said to myself. It’s just her parents getting divorced. Wait what?!

‘What?’ I asked.

‘My lovely parents are getting a divorce. You know when they decide not to stay together any longer?’ She said angrily.

‘I know. I just was a little taken back. I didn't knew, Sorry!’

‘It’s okay. I’m not angry anymore.’

‘So you throw your phone when they told you?’

‘Well no. Not really. I thought they were joking. Our maid told me they were serious and when my mom called me, I ran to my balcony and threw my phone in the sea! well not actually in the sea, but I aimed for it.’ she smirked. Her Room had a sea View! Wow.

‘I’m sorry. Are you okay?’

‘yeah, I’m pretty fine. Who needs them anyway! I’m just gonna complete my studies, Be a cardiologist, buy a big house and then just gonna live my life.’

‘Any plans on marriage?’ I tried to make her laugh.

‘Yeah. Will see to that!’ she smiled.

‘Are they that bad? Your parents?’ I asked.

‘No! They are best as parents. They are just not as husband and wife. I wonder how was it when they loved each other. Can you believe their marriage was a love marriage?’

‘Well, things change! there must have been a reason, don’t you think?’

‘Yeah! there must have been one.’

‘When was the last time you talked to them?’

‘The last time I was with them.’

‘Why? Don’t they call you!’ I asked.

‘Yeah they do. I don’t answer. They must have even called today. I don’t want to talk to them.’

‘Kesha, dear you have to talk to them! hiding from your feelings won’t make it better!’

‘I don’t want your sympathies and I don’t want to talk to them.’

‘Okay. As you wish. but just for an instance, think about your parents. you said they were best as parents. Can you imagine what would have they gone through to tell you about their divorce and how much do you think they are suffering now? seeing their only girl not answering their calls. Do you understand what it is to a father? a mother?’

She thought for a while. She cried out a few drops. I wiped away some of them though she resisted.

‘Do you think I should call them?’

‘Yes. you should. Call them.’

‘Can I borrow your phone. I don’t have mine!’

‘yeah, sure.’ I handed her my phone.

She turned a little off during the rings but as soon as her mom took the call, she started feeling good. Her voice though was feeble during the entire conversation, her soul was getting lighter with every passing minute. I saw her sobbing a minute, and smiling another. I felt so proud of myself. I Knew she was too brittle to understand her parents’ divorce but she had to face it. I sat by her side the entire time and of all that I could hear, I knew she was relieved. I knew her parents were relieved. I knew I was relieved. She kept the phone down bidding her byes. She didn't talk that much but she looked relaxed.

‘So?’ I asked.

‘They are happy I called!’ she sobbed.

‘and you?’

‘In an uncertain way, yes. I’m very glad.’

I smiled at her. I loved the way how smartly she used those words.

She turned towards me. Looked at me like I looked at her. she stared at me like I used to. I looked in her eyes and said nothing. I didn't knew what to say. I never felt something like that. It was like we were having a conversation just by looking at each other. She came near and hugged me. I held her in my arms like a little baby. My arms, naturally went to hug her back with one on her head and other on her back. I could feel her heart beat against mine. I could feel her soft skin against my body. I could touch her silky hairs and I could feel nothing else. I was lost. Lost in her arms if that doesn't sound cheesy. My senses never had an intake of so much feel that it jammed. I held her in my arms as the sun set down. Slower this time, much slower this time.