She Should Have Replied

Chapter 10

She Should Have Replied










Days I Spent Missing You

It’s middle of the night,

though I can’t sleep,

You’re all in my mind,

And restlessly, side by side I flip.

Days go alone,

in middle of the crowd,

nights go silently,

Screaming inside loud.

Something happened to me,

as you went far for a while,

I lost myself somewhere in dark,

searching breathlessly for my smile.

To Whom could I complain,

knowing I have no right,

Why do it make a difference,

if you’re not in my sight...?

why do I love You,

knowing that you Don’t,

Why did I even Tried,

Knowing that you Won't.
-Karan Solanki

The Question was hard. Why did I loved her? Why did I felt guilty while she was the one who told me she’ll never love me whether I do or not! I guess that’s what it is to be miserable, to be the one who loves and cares to save a relation from falling while other just don’t want it.

‘Hey, why aren't you coming out? It’s Diwali!’ Said my elder brother shiv.

’I’m not feeling like it, shiv. I think I’ll just watch TV and stay in.’ I replied sadly.

‘okay.’ he knew I was sad. But I was feeling worse that he came all the way from Udaipur to spend the Diwali with us and I was acting like a small baby.

‘Wait..I’m coming.’ I followed him to the door and sat down the chair with the oldies.

A big rocket went up the sky and made a beautiful texture of a colourful umbrella. The children were doing all their Awws and my granny was telling them the story of why we celebrated the Diwali.

‘It is said that After lord Ram defeated the evil Raavan, he came back to Ayodhya with completing his fourteen years long exile. On the day he returned to Ayodhya, his town, the night was Amavashi. To show their happiness for the return of the lord, every person residing in the city lightened a Diya in their house to show how grateful and lightened they felt with the return of the lord.’ She explained.

I saw my story in it. I was the evil Raavan who forced the sita to fall in love with him but she left and went away to her hometown, Diu. I’m glad there is no Ram in our story! I guess I’m both. It was not my fault, it was her’s. she should have atleast told me before she left to diu. I wanted to apologize to her. It’s her fault now.

～

‘It was your Fault!’ Taral send me a text just after I disconnected her call.

‘I’m sorry I disconnected.’ I called her back.

‘It’s okay. I know you’re upset and it’s okay to be upset but you’ll have to apologize to her. We both know only that will make you feel better.’

‘I don’t think she even cares. Why should I apologize! and I’m not upset!’ I argued back.

‘So tell me why are we having this conversation?’ she cutely asked.

‘Because I’m upset! okay!’ I said in a loud voice.

‘You know karthik, what’s the problem here? you’re not upset because she left. you’re upset because she left without greeting a bye to you while she did to everyone else. That's why you have to clear it out with her!’

‘She didn’t greeted everyone!’’

‘She did to those bitches in the biology class. I guess that counts everyone.’

‘Wow! That’s..just..sad! She’s really mad at me! Was my mistake that huge?’

‘No mistake is huge unless you don’t apologize for it. When I slapped jaimin, I felt so guilty for it. I wanted to apologize and I would have if he approached me but he choose to stay away and you know what happened next? my guilt turned in anger.’

‘Did he ever apologized?’ I asked.

‘Yes! and that’s when I saw everything coming back to order.’

‘Do you think I should call her?’

‘What do you think was I blabbering from the last fifteen minutes? huh! ’

‘Okay. that’s a yes. I’ll call her. Btw when did jaimin apologized?’

‘When you and kesha were acting kuchy-puchy in the balcony after the dinner, he apologized to me!’ She mocked.

‘Kuchy-Puchy? Seriously? What’s wrong with you?’

‘That I know you’re blushing right now?’ she caught me. Seriously what’s wrong with me?

‘yeah, great! You know it all. Bas happy?’

‘So damn happy!’

‘Hey, thank you! I never told you how much you mean to me!’

‘Aww! you don’t have to. I’ll always know it.’ she Aww’ed!

‘And stop being a pussy. You can’t call other girls to cry about your relationship issues.’ Sarcasm Mode : Activated.

‘You damn say nothing to no-one about it!’ I smiled.

‘Hmmm..bye. Take care.’

‘Bye. you too.’

I sat with patience and started writing. Taking half of hour, I wrote a long apology text on my phone and sent it to her. Tick..tock..tick..tock, I waited. A minute, hour and a day passed and my ear started to thirst for the beep on my phone. I heard nothing. Out of desperation, I called her. It was switched off. Was she Ignoring me? Fuck. I called her again. I called her every now and then but the answering machine had only one answer. The number you are trying to reach is switched off. Every minute after the one passed, I realized she was not gonna pick my call but an endless hope still pressed the call button everytime I tried to stop myself. My phone’s battery drained down. I was tired, Broken and sad, More than ever I was. I logged into my Facebook account and left a message in her inbox. But as there was no recent post of her after the exams, I knew there was gonna be no chance she would see it now.  I turned my PC off. It was 2:30 in the midnight. I felt upset. I lied on my bed that day to realize what insomnia was. I realized what it meant when sleep wasn't something that meets you the moment you lie down. I plugged my phone and waited for an hopeless reply that never really came.

～

Ten days went by. It was Diwali night. She didn't contact me, her phone was still switched off and I could see people getting upset from seeing me sad. What could I do, I was upset. Jaimin met me, sagar called and every other guy I knew atleast sent me a text on the occasion but kesha! huh!. Taral thought maybe she blocked my number so she called kesha from her phone but it was really off. She even offered me to ask her aunt, my tuition teacher, about kesha but I denied. I knew it was not worth it. For the first time I realized loving her was a waste of time. Just a mere waste of time. I stood up from the chair that were neatly arranged for people who enjoyed watching the sky rather than exploring it. What was I Doing there? thanks to shiv he made me realize the night was not the one to waste. Shiv passed me a ‘fuljadi’ And by that I mean a sparkling stick, dirty minds! We started flying rockets, spinning chakris and planting Bombs. we killed our ears with the sound of sutli bombs, burned our hands by holding on for too long, and charmed our senses by the amazing sky-work the night showed. The night had lightened up. I slept good after a long time. The next few days were less depressing. Rather they were good. But as every good things does, it ended. The free days were over. School was about to start tomorrow and the bad time was somewhere close. I could smell it. And kesha, she better have answers why was her phone switched off. Otherwise this time, there was no way I was gonna Apologize.

Revealing The Secrets

Chapter 9

Revealing The Secrets

Three weeks went by. I had couple of chats with kesha but none of them acknowledged me of what happened between taral and jaimin. I was a little desperate now but asking her directly was not one of the possibilities. Anyway, 1st Semester examination was a week ahead. I had my own issues.

‘Are you kidding me? you choose to hangout with jaimin and taral all the time, and now you’re half-girlfriend kesha adds on to your group and the worst of all, I come to know it from the rumor bag and you think you can come to me when you want to learn how this Alpha ray scatters? I think I should think before calling you a friend.’ Said Sagar aggressively.

Yeah, Rumor bag! like every school has, we too had a particular person who knew everything about everyone and had no intentions to keep it to herself. For us, it was Nisha. As time passed, facts came to an end and she started spreading rumors. The rest goes as it does. Though sometimes she came with the truth but she already was named rumor bag, and that’s pretty much it.

‘okay look! I’m sorry. Taral was going from a bad time. You know that. I spent all my time being confused and you know I’m crazy about kesha, right? I was hardly getting any time with her and look I’m sorry, Okay! I said it. I’m Sorry!’

for most of the part he was right. I was being a dog. Sagar was on of the best guys I saw coming in my life. Though he was studious, he was smart, Like literally smart. he encouraged me to show my poems to kesha. He was a quite there for me and I was being a jerk. but still the fact stands, he was acting like a pussy!

‘Wow! I expected a crappy explanation from you but yes, that was better. but still you could have told me before.’

‘yeah sorry about that.’

‘I don’t always do that,..Do I?’

‘Crappy explanations? yes! An expert!’

‘whatever. Are you gonna teach me how that ray works or not?’

‘yes!’ he said and words started to faint away slowly as he explained me the rest..

As exams came near, we stopped hearing from kesha. His uncle was a strict little bastard and as kesha wanted to be a cardiologist, she had no option but to study hard. While I was busy going through the books my hands held for the first time in the whole semester, Taral was in ease. God, why’s she so smart? and Jaimin, oh wait, Jaimin had no exams coming because he chose commerce stream. He decided to join his father’s business after they got rich.  It was sunday evening. Exams were starting tomorrow. I tried to freshen up a little. I called everyone to wish a last day luck. Sagar-’Thank you. I hope the same for you’

Kesha - # Nobody picked the call. Obviously.

Jaimin-’ Dude, you need some sleep. I’m in commerce.’

Taral, It was a long call.

‘Hey!’ I said as the clock skipped another hour.

‘Hey! gone through the books?’

‘Not all but quite some.’

‘good. So best of luck.’

‘yeah! same to you.’

‘ok. umm...bye?’ she said after an awkward pause.

‘No actually I was wondering to ask you something.’

‘what?’

‘It might be a little personal! ’

‘you’re gonna ask me even if I say no so skip the bullshit and jump to the question. I have to go to bed.’

‘what happened two years ago that broke you and jaimin? ’

‘ummm..that was not something I was expecting to hear! but that happened because jaimin kissed me without my permission.’

‘WHAT! Jaimin tried to kiss you? that can’t be possible. He seems gay!’

‘No he did...What? how does he look gay to you?’

‘I don’t know. He has a muscular body but he is kind. besides he has six pairs of shoes!’

‘and that makes him gay? wow! you know what, you’re crazy. I’m hanging up. Byee!’

‘Hey wait. Atleast tell me what happened!’

‘Long story short, like you know about it, he wanted to convince me to break up with dixit. I never was convinced. I asked him,

‘why won’t he get fucking lost? so he just said it.’

‘that he loved you?’

‘yes. ’

‘and he kissed you!’

‘no. I mean yes. I told him I was with dixit and I liked jaimin..’

‘you told him you liked him? and he kissed you? that seems normal. I don’t see his fault yet!’ I interrupted.

‘I was saying I liked him as a friend and don’t want to loose him! he kissed me before I could even complete my sentence.’

‘Oh God! that’s a lot to take on my little heart but this story is so funny. I’m literally glad we had this conversation right before the exams. So what next?’

‘I slapped him!’

‘you SLAPPED him? Hahaha!’ I started laughing like a mad person.

‘Okay it looks a little funny now and I get it but I was seriously mad at him back then.’

‘Wow! You never took the modesty to tell this to me before?’

‘you never asked me before.’

‘I was giving you your privacy and how come jaimin never told me?’

‘You and giving privacy? Shut up! and that must be because of that hard slap. I even asked him to never call me back for the rest of my life. he must have been heavily embarrassed.’ she joined me now and we both laughed for the next ten minutes.

‘I think I need to talk to him about all this.’

‘No, keep it between us. It’s been half a year and things have been better. I don’t want it to go wrong again.’

‘but..okay!’ I said.

‘So if this is what you were doing all day I hope you atleast pass!’

‘yeah whatever. I hope you pass!’

‘I will because I don’t start reading a day before exam! anyways, I need to wake up early so bye.’ she said criticizing me.

‘Yeah, okay. Byee. talk to you soon.’ I said ending the conversation.

Wow! I was seventeen, Genuinely more handsome than jaimin, smarter than him, not gay and I was still the guy who is never been kissed. It hurt my Male-ego! Anyways, Physics’ paper was to be given priority from all. I slept watching ‘Die Hard 4’ Instead. ;)

Two weeks passed. Neighbours asked me how did my exam go? It’s weird how our neighbours cares more for our result than our parents do! I, on the  other side kept asking myself the same. ‘How did my exams go?’ who cared! I was like a saint. Marks, grades, I was over it. It’s all virtual. I believed in peace. Yeah, okay! I scored less!

Anyways, i was excited. I spent the last three weeks without having a single sight of the love of my life. Everything seemed so stupid and meaningless without her. I made everyone agree for a movie. Mujhse Fraaandship Karoge. As ever, I reached the place early. I received a text from kesha earlier that day that she wanted to talk. I wondered what happened. maybe her papers went bad. maybe she had some problems. maybe she missed me in the past two weeks that she started to realize that she loved me.. that's just something I fantasize about. I entered the mall. there it was. “Cafe Coffee Day : A Lot Can Happen Over Coffee!” I wish. I pulled the door though it said push. A little Rebel I’m. As I crossed the door, my hectic eyes started searching her everywhere. my eyes rushed over to catch a sight of her so that the warmness of her sight could heaten my frozen heart. There she was. Right on the corner of my eyes. Watching me. And as I turned towards her, the rush inside seemed to ease. her beautiful hairs were covering her face and as I walked towards her she smiled at me tucking behind those beautiful hairs. Skip. Skip. Skip. My heart skipped so many beats I felt dead.

‘Hey’ I said as I sat.

‘Hiee. how are you? Long time na? btw how did the exam go?’

‘God! what’s wrong? why are you so nervous?!’

‘Not nervous, just excited! Haven’t seen you guys in like two weeks.’

‘16 days to be exact.’

‘you were counting?’

‘I was trying. turns out I’m good at mathematics.’ we both laughed.

‘and exam went fine.’ I said. she smiled.

‘so what was that you wanted to talk about?’

‘Oh yes. my mom came to town this week. I guess I’ll be spending the diwali vacation with them in diu. I promised Taral I’ll be with her. So how do I tell her? She’ll be mad at me.’

‘what? I thought we will spend it together. I mean we all. So why in diu?’

‘Oh you don’t know, right? Diu is my hometown. Dad owns a hotel there.’

‘So you’re rich?’

‘Not that rich but yeah. Nobody guesses that, right? I know. My expenses, my Scooty, I’m on a budget. They want me to learn life.’

‘hey I didn't knew that. that’s nice. So now that you’re rich, let’s fall in love!’

‘No but I've read that novel. It’s quite good.’ she giggled.

Damn! she’s just not that into me! and this is what you wanted to ask me? what is wrong with you. I thought you realized you love me..

‘So..I came across a secret.’ I whispered to create some sense of excitement.

‘yeah, tell me?’ she said.

‘Taral slapped jaimin as he kissed her when she was in a relationship with dixit. That was what broke them.’ I said excitedly. Oh I was such a bitch.

‘I know.’ she sighed.

‘what? how? I mean who told you?’ I was surprised.

‘you remember we decided to ask taral? I asked jaimin instead. he told me the entire story.’

‘Oh! you know what, I just lost my respect for him. how can you kiss someone without their permission? I mean yeah, no one talks about giving the permission but you know when to kiss someone!’

‘I don’t see what he did wrong. He loved her and she created the confusion by saying she likes him too but as a friend.’

‘you said the exact same words to me!’ I pointed out in a mild aggression.

‘It was different with us.’

‘care to explain why?’

‘Why do you want to fight over what is past and gone!’

Past and Gone? was that my love for her after all? was that all I ever proved? Past and gone!

‘I don’t want to.’ I said.

‘Okay so don’t.’

‘but why are you backing jaimin on this?’

‘so you seriously want to fight with me, right karthik?’

‘I just want to know you better.’ I said sarcastically.

‘okay. for instance, I’m Jaimin and you’re Taral. I loved you from last 8 years. yeah, eight years. and the years that consist of the time when no one had an idea what does people meant when they said they loved each other. from the time when spelling love was the hardest thing to do in love! won’t you love someone back who loves you that much?’

That’s just bullshit! children always say they love this and they love that. That doesn't mean the bullshit’s true. what’s wrong with this girl?

‘Would you love me back if I love you for the next Eight years?’

‘Why do you have to bring us in every conversation?’

‘because I love you!’

‘but I don’t! what do I have to do to make you understand that?’

‘tell me why? why don’t you love me?’

‘I just don’t! I don’t seem to have an answer for that. I just don’t.'

she walked away from me. I knew I had crossed the limits. I did the exact same thing I cursed jaimin for. I forced her! I was so sorry. I wish I had enough courage to apologize to her. she didn’t waited for the movie. Answering taral and jaimin was hard but the hardest part was to watch that movie alone. For the first time in my life, I was at a theater, watching a movie and not really watching it. I knew a day would come when this would happen but not like this. the reason I would not be watching should have been different. Very different.

A Short Memory, A Big Secret!

Chapter 8

A Short Memory, A Big Secret!

It was Sunday’s evening by now and taral was finally out of her grief.

Maybe not but she was smiling and that was enough. The girl who brought that smile back was but the same girl who took mine a couple of hours ago telling me to go fuck off! Yes of course, she didn’t said that but her words meant same to me. But hey, Girls are stupid! they don’t know what the say! I tried to convince myself. Taral had ordered some pizzas and we had a great time being all of us together after a long time. A Full - Fat dinner later, kesha pulled me to the balcony.

‘So what did exactly happened between taral and jaimin?’

‘what? does it matter now?’

‘taral told me she loved it when jaimin took his call and came running without being pissed for everything that happened before. I just wanna know what happened!’ She said.

‘You can ask taral then.’

‘yes I did! She told me they both had a fight. why? because of dixit. why? because he was her boyfriend. that’s it! I don’t understand how?’’

she said.  ‘Nevermind, don’t tell me.’ slowly turning away from me.

‘It was two months due for our Standard 10th board exams and Schools were quiet over. Only few of us went to school after the courses were completed. some mates didn’t come school to study at home, some didn’t to sleep at home.’ I narrated.

she quickly turned back, sat near me and stared at me asking me to continue. Butterflies in my belly!

‘I entered the line of latecomers waiting to get their late Notes with jaimin. from the beginning of the time, I had this Strange habit to be late at each and every day of the school! I would have made the AIEEE books look smaller than the collections of the notes from principal Shouting “LATE”'.

‘So that’s why princy hates you?’ she interrupted.

‘let’s say it’s one of the reason.’ I smirked.

‘Jaimin was a middle-class boy just like me until his dad got the deal of his dreams and grew big. In a very short period of 2 years, their bank accounts gulped the amount of money we will ever see in our life. Though he was very studies, he was never far at fun time. Over everything, ‘never late to school boy’ had came with me today because our Dearest Taral had put a nail under his wheel a day ago to teach him AWARENESS. Well, she says SO! We entered the class and found her sitting alone on the last bench. Like always! Taral was the richest girl in our school. Her dad was a hot-shot advocate and from the days she couldn’t spell days, she got everything she asked for. Her father was though too busy to spend his time with his daughter but nevertheless she grew up without ever complaining about it. Her only complaint was that her father never appeared to the annual day’s function.

’Wait. What does annual day has to do with taral?’ Kesha asked.

‘She was not always this taral. she used to be the girl who would be the monitor of class, Favourite student of the class teacher and the cultural activist all at the same time. but I guess with time she realized Bad grades grab attention more quickly than good grades do.’

‘Wow! I can’t imagine taral in that picture!’ She said raising her eyebrows.

‘Neither can I.’

‘what? haven’t you seen her that way?’

‘No! I joined our school when I was fourteen. taral was changed by then. Every teacher, Students and the seniors knew her for her Anti-scholars attitude.’ I said. ‘ Though Jaimin and taral were kindergarten friends! Chadi-Buddies! ’

‘okey, so what then?’ she giggled.

‘hey, you know what?’ taral said looking at me.

‘what?’ I asked goggle-eyed.

‘My morning was a little punctured!’ she said with a sneer. ‘how was yours, jaimin?’

‘It’s not funny, taral!’ said Jaimin with a little aggression on his face.

‘It’s not about fun! It’s about teaching you a little technique called presence of mind!’ she mocked.

‘huh! what’s it with you taral! leave him on his own. if he cannot take your pranks, stay away from him’ I said mocking jaimin.

Jaimin gave a ‘I Hate you Both’ look and sat opening his books.

‘So?’ I asked taral pointing my eyes at jaimin after a while.

‘So? I’m not apologizing for this.’ she whispered.

‘ you should. he came all the way walking to my house at seven in the morning. that was not cool! you should apologize!’ I whispered back.

‘ok. whatever. Jaimin, I’m sorry!’ taral finally said.

‘It’s okay.’ he said and smiled. he really lost the problem when she said sorry. He just got through his rage in one word..weird!’

‘Oh GOD! you know what, kesha? I think I’m the stupidest person ever!’ I said in a loud voice.

‘I don’t know what you are talking about but I agree that you’re stupid.’ She mocked.

‘Ahh! That was rude.’ I said.

‘I know. so what was it you were talking about?’

‘I saw a sad expression on jaimin’s face today and he was a little hyper after he knew taral lied to her for dixit and I saw he was acting a little possessive but I thought No! he never told me so I thought he never did!’

‘Excuse me, did I missed something? ‘Cause I don’t get a Fucking word from what you’re blabbering!’ she said raising her voice.

‘Jaimin Likes Taral!’

‘Wait. Wait. Wait! How can you say that?’

‘Well that day, we were at the canteen when taral told us about dixit. I was quite okay because she was happy but jaimin had a problem with dixit and as the days passed he tried convincing taral to break up with dixit. At first, we both thought he was kidding but then he was acting so weird and one day, he just passed the limits for taral. She was so pissed that why was jaimin trying to cross her personal life. I realize now That maybe she knew it or maybe jaimin had told her he loves her.’ I Felt like I solved the da vinci code.

‘So why did they exactly fought?’

‘Taral told me he crossed the line! Jaimin said nothing about it. Ever.’

‘Karthik! what does it mean that he crossed the line?’ she asked me with a taunting sound.

‘I know! but I thought that he was interfering in her life and..the hell with it! I had no Idea!’

‘It’s crystal clear! Jaimin is in love with her. She’s her childhood friend and all time crush! Aww this is so cute!! Wait! has he been ever in a relationship?’

‘No, he hasn’t!’ I said in a confused voice.

‘Oh thank God! I’m gonna tell taral about this! I mean she already knows this but I’m gonna tell her She had this person all her life and she was dating somebody else!’ she said excitedly.

‘Like, right now?’

‘No! I mean, at the right time. but you are not to tell a word to jaimin!’

‘Yeah. whatever you say.’ I said.

I was a little disappointed. she found it cute that jaimin maybe loves taral from his childhood! Would I’d loved her from her childhood, she would have been mine? It’s not my fault that she had not moved into our school before! I’m sure I would have loved her from my childhood if she has been in it Though I found Brinda Roy way too cute those days..;)